Jane moving through the stages of grief
A/N: the next few posts for Jane will be her working through the stages of grief; this is centered around the loss of a loved one/parent; if this is triggering for you, please do not read; these posts might be shorter than normal
Shownu had decided to take Jane to the gym with him. She wasn't much for working out, especially in her mental state right now. However, Shownu knew that being able to punch something would help release a lot of the anger and guilt she had been feeling.
She had been holed up in the dorm for most of the month. She didn't leave unless she really had too. She would just stay curled up on the couch or in her bed. Hyungwon had refused to give her phone back, but Shownu was okay with that. She didn't need it right now. What she needed was to get out of the dorm, get a change of scenery and let her endorphins fly.
"I really don't want to be here," she muttered under her breath as they stepped through the glass doors. Shownu sighed, patting her shoulder and giving it a little squeeze. "I know. But it'll help, I promise. At least give it a try?" She sighed and held back her annoyance but nodded. She loved Shownu dearly and she knew he was only trying to help the best way he knew how. Besides, it did feel nice to be outside on the walk here.
"Fine, fine. I'll try. But if I wanna leave, we leave." Shownu smiled at her and nodded. "Deal. But only if you really try. You can't do it for 10 minutes and then say no." She stuck her tongue out at him and headed to change her shoes. Shownu only chuckled at her. She was very slowly getting back to the Jane they knew and loved. Two days ago, he wouldn't have been able to get her to leave the couch. Now, she was out of the dorm and in the gym.
Maybe it wasn't the best change of scenery, but he did notice how she smiled a little when the sunlight hit her face. How she was looking around at the newly blooming flowers and the blue sky. The weather had been nicer lately and Shownu thought walking to the gym instead of driving would be nicer. It seemed he was right because while he had expected her to complain the whole time or say how much she hated it she actually didn't say anything. She seemed to enjoy the nature and fresh air.
"Are you coming or what?" She snapped a little, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before looking back at him. "Sorry. I meant, are you ready?" She gave him her best smile and Shownu smiled, his eyes turning into crescents. "Yeah, I'm ready. Let's wrap your hands up." She looked confused. "My hands?"
He nodded, grabbing he white tape. "You're angry and in pain," he commented and Jane didn't say anything, silently handing him one of her hands. "I thought maybe if you punched the bag for a little, that'll help. At least with some of the anger." Her mouth formed a small 'o' shape and she hummed. She hadn't thought of that. Though if she was being honest, she hasn't really thought of much lately.
Her hands were taped up and Shownu told her he would be over by the weights if she needed him. She stared at the red bag in front of her. She wasn't really sure what to do. She knew how to punch it or whatever it was that Shownu wanted her to do, but she just didn't feel like she could.
She was still harboring a lot of guilt and blame. She wasn't an idiot; she knew it was manifesting into a depression. She wanted to punch, but she felt heavy. Her arms felt tired, her body felt tired, and she felt tired. Her brain felt tired. All she wanted to do was sit down on the ground and just sleep. Go home and just sleep. But she had promised that she would try. She hadn't realized that she wouldn't be able to.
She felt her eyes burn with tears. Even her tears felt tired. "Are you okay?" She jumped slightly at Shownu's deep voice. When had he gotten back over here? How long had she'd just been standing there staring into nothing like a freak? She wanted to say yes. Nod her head or hum. She didn't want to lie anymore though.
"No," she murmured and Shownu wrapped his arms around her from behind. She sunk into him, trying to let his larger body cover hers. She felt like an idiot for being so pathetic. "I'm so tired, oppa," her voice shook out. Shownu tightened his hold a little and hummed, "I know, baby." She turned to face him, glassy eyes looking up at him and he bear-hugged her.
She trembled slightly in his hold and he kissed the top of her head, quietly hushing her. "It's alright. This might have been too much. But we're here so, I want you to try. Let me help you." Jane took in a shaky breath and nodded, wiping her face. "Okay." She turned back towards the bag and Shownu stood in front of her, pulling her hands into where they should be.
He knew she knew how to do this, but he could help right now. Right now, how to properly punch a bag was the last thing on her mind. "Now," he moved to stand beside her, in the same position, "you're going to swing through like this." He did it, punching the bag and it swung back and forth, the chain it was hanging from squeaking a little.
Jane copied him, but it wasn't nearly as forceful. "I know you can do it better than that," he teased with a wink. Jane nodded her head and tried harder. Used the last of the energy she could conquer up. The bag swung back and forth wildly and she had to admit; it did feel good. "Again," Shownu said and she listened. Eventually, she had tears streaming down her cheeks again but she was punching. Harder than Shownu had ever seen her punch before.
Once she finished, she dropped to her knees, breathing heavily. Shownu kneeled next to her, handing her a towel and bottle of water. "How do you feel?" He asked after she had caught her breath. "Better, surprisingly," she sighed out with a smile. Shownu ruffled her damp hair. "Sometimes I know what I'm talking about." She laughed a little and it was music to Shownu's ears.
It had been so long since he had heard her laugh or chuckle or giggle. Since he had seen her smile. He had seen her smile more today than he probably ever has since knowing her. "Can we go home?" She asked, "I'm tired." He nodded, helping her up and unwrapping the tape from her hands. "You can nap for an hour. Then we're going to go for a walk or something. You can't stay inside all the time."
She hesitated but nodded her head. "Okay. Maybe we can go to the dessert place a few streets over?" Shownu was beaming as he nodded his head and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Of course, we can."
