Jane turns to her leader
"What's with the long face?" Shownu asked from the other side of the couch. Jane had opted to not go out to lunch with everyone today. She hadn't slept good and to be honest, she was still swirling around in her mind about going back to live with Jimin.
Shownu was still resting—according to him—from his eyes surgery. Jane had caught him a few times sneaking out to the gym. She had given him a good scolding when he had gotten home. So, she had opted to babysit him today and make sure he actually did rest.
"Jimin asked me if I was ready to come back home," she said. Shownu frowned at the frown on her face. "And why is that making you frown?" She shrugged and started fiddling with the hem of her sweater.
"Stop that, you'll tear it and Kihyun will be pissed," Shownu said, swatting at her fingers. She stuck her tongue out at him, but stopped anyways. Leaning her head back and staring at the white ceiling, she sighed.
"Do you not want to?" Shownu asked and Jane shrugged again. "It's not that I don't want to," she mused, "But I realized how much I missed being here. With you all."
Shownu quirked a brow. "I miss having our own life too," she quickly said. "Just, this has always felt like home to me. This is my home. You all are my family. My only family." Shownu hummed, waiting for her to finish before he said anything.
"And we're both just so busy all the time, sometimes it doesn't feel like we really live with each other. I don't hold that against him or blame him or anything. I swear. I get it and I understand. It just gets a little lonely sometimes. And Seulki doesn't live down the hall anymore so, I can't just go hang out with her."
"Have you tried making it feel like home?" Shownu asked. Jane snapped her head up and opened her mouth but closed it again. How was she supposed to do that? She wasn't even sure how the dorms had come to feel like home. It just did.
"I-I don't know what you mean," she said. Shownu was a patient man and a calm man. A wise man. It was one of the reasons they had all wanted him to be the leader. He wasn't afraid to tell you how it was or ask the hard questions that others might be hesitant to ask. He did it with such grace and effortlessness that you didn't even realize it was a hard question.
"I know you're both busy," he said, "But have you ever tried to make the moments you are together there feel like home? Besides just sleeping. I'm talking about making meals together, watching cartoons, even cleaning. Mundane things that you might not think makes it feel like home but can help it feel that way."
Jane stared down in her lap. They hadn't done that. It wasn't that they didn't want to; usually they were both just to exhausted to do things like that. The rare days off with no schedules or late schedules they wanted to cherish and would spend the time they had curled up in the bed sheets.
"No. We haven't. But," she said, "There was one thing. One thing that made me think it could feel like home one day." Shownu nodded at her to elaborate. A warm smile spread across her cheeks.
"You've been there. The windows on one wall are open to the whole skyline. It's really pretty at night time. With all the lights and stuff. I used to sit in front of them and just enjoy the peace and calmness with a cup of tea."
"Jimin noticed," she smiled, "He bought a little loveseat. Put it right in front of the windows and we sat there a lot for late nights or when we just needed some peace and quiet. Just sat there drinking tea and sometimes talking and sometimes not. I miss that. That made it feel like home."
Shownu hummed and patted her knee. "It won't feel like home if you don't make it feel like home. Give an effort to make it feel like home. This will always be your home. We'll always be your family. But you need to live too, YunJae-ah. It's okay to have two homes."
She patted his hand and nodded her head. "You're right." His eyes turned into half-moons as she smiled widely. "Of course, I'm right. I am the leader after all. I'm always right." She rolled her eyes and he chuckled.
"I think maybe I should go back. Try and make it another home for me." She said and Shownu hummed. "When you're ready and if you want. I'll support whichever you choose." She smiled again and pinched his cheek, standing up. "And I'll always support you too, leader. Which is why it's time for your eye drops!"
"YAH!"
