One thing after another keeps hurdling to Monsta X
Wonho had been acting distant the past few days. Jane knew it, the boys knew it, their manager knew it, but everyone was keeping quiet. Except for Jane. She had tried numerous times to talk to him, find out what was going on and how she could help. She knew he was struggling heavily recently with all the negativity and if she could make it go away, she would.
He had still been smiling and interacting with them, but Jane could see the far away look in his eyes. He wasn't totally there with them in the moment and he cried easily these days, much more than usual. Her heart was breaking for him because he had been the one member that had been doing anything and everything to help her once she had her diagnosis.
He would look up all the foods that are good to eat and make sure there was an abundance of supply of them in the dorm. And while Jane knew that eating certain foods probably wouldn't do anything at all, she ate them still because he was doing what he thought could help best. He picked up her medicine, went with her to appointments when he could, massaged her when her joints were hurting more than normal.
So, when he announced his departure, everyone was crushed. It came out of the blue, no one expecting it. Jane knew her other members were heart broken, just as much as she was and just as much as Wonho was, but she couldn't help them right now. She couldn't do anything; not even for herself. She knew that he was doing what he thought was best for them and himself right now, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
It was eerily quiet the first few days at the dorm and Jane was thankful that the company hadn't cancelled any of their promotions. While it annoyed her to some point, she needed to keep busy. She knew the fans were upset that they were still being forced to promote, but if Jane couldn't keep busy, she'd go crazy. Of course, she was still able to talk to him over the phone. They weren't banned from being friends or associating with him.
But it didn't help anything for her. He was a constant in her life, just like the rest of the boys, and she couldn't help but feel abandoned, just like when her mother left. She hated herself for feeling that; she knew that it was never his intention and that he really hadn't abandoned her, but she couldn't help it. She became quieter, more recluse. She only left the dorm for promotions and schedules.
She was still talking when the others would to try and keep some type of normalcy right now, but Jane believed that the silence was just killing everyone. She hadn't been able to sleep much; lucky if she could catch an hour or two before having to wake up and go to the next schedule. Due to her exhaustion, she was forgetting to take some of her medicine. Thankfully, Kihyun had put reminders on her phone or he would bring them with, making sure she took them.
However, anyone with eyes could see that Jane was falling deeper and deeper into the dark abyss that she had done so well in pulling herself out of. Shownu knew she wasn't feeling well, her dance moves becoming stiff and rigid and she was constantly showing on her face that she was uncomfortable. When he tried talking to her, she brushed it off, claiming she was fine, just a bad health day and pushed him out of her room.
Hyungwon knew she wasn't sleeping much. None of them really were, but he'd hear her in the middle of the night, thinking she was being quiet, sniffling as she walked past his door and to the living room to cry in peace. His heart broke for her, but his was broken too and he didn't know if he could patch it up for the both of them. Kihyun made sure she was eating three meals a day; whether if he had to send food if they were on different schedules or show up himself with some, he made sure she was eating.
Minhyuk and her had spent days falling asleep in his bed together, both not uttering a word to each other but needing the comfort of one another. They hadn't argued in weeks, barely speaking, but Jane and him were always close to one another as a silent support system, even though both of them could barely keep themselves a float. Jooheon and Changkyun had reclused completely, ignoring the world around them. Jane was fine with this; she knew everyone had to cope in their own way and she didn't want to push them.
Things seemed to slowly slip back to normalcy and then another hit; Jooheon needed to take a short break. Jane was thrilled that he had finally taken her advice and talked to the company, but at the same time, she was now missing two of her favorite people. Dancing became scarce for her; only during their group practice times and performances, but never out of the blue on her own like she used to.
She had shut out everyone in her world, without realizing it. She was falling deeper into the abyss and she had no way of pulling herself out and if she was being honest, she didn't know if she really wanted to pull herself out. The others had tried to talk to her, make her get out of the dorm more than just practices and schedules, more than just to walk to the grocery store or her visits with her doctor. She ignored them all.
And every night as she closed her eyes, she would cry, sometimes silently, sometimes holding her breath until she could make it out in the hallway of their building to let the sobs take over her body. She knew she was back in that dark hole again, back in the abyss where'd she been stuck for years before joining Starship. And she wasn't sure that she could really get out of it this time.
