Reincarnation Of Draupadi (Completed)

Ch 106: Yajna's feelings about her past life

Nikhil opens the Yajna's diary page by page where she writes nightmares that happened in her dream.

What sin did I make? My father didn't want me to be born. When I was immersed from fire. I was 25 years old. I got married on my 30. I called karna suta in front of everyone. I didn't mean to call him. I was forced to do it to prevent him attending my swayamvar to fulfill my father's wish to get Arjuna as his son-in-law.

When I realised, what I have done? I can't forgive myself for doing great sin to Karna. People in this world accused me most for bringing about the war and humiliated Karna by calling suta putra or funnily talking to Bheema about Duryodhana the son of blind.

There is nothing more humiliating for a woman than losing her modesty. I was humiliated in a court where ladies simply did not go. Duryodhana had his day to insult me. Karna stood silent watching me disrobed as well as my husbands.

Krishna had gone to Hastinapur being an emissary of peace. He had told the entire court that the Pandavas will not reject whatever he promises here. He asked for 5 villages to be given to them. There was no demand for war or reinstatement of Draupadi's honor.

The offer was rejected outright. Duryodhna was eager to have war. He was amply supported by Karna. He was equally not stopped by his father. But Pandavas had submitted their will to the will of Krishna. Where was the question of asking for war?

The reason was the greed of Duryodhana. The reason was the unmindful support of Karna. The reason was the blind act played by Dhritrashtra. The reason was the poisonous role of Shakuni. Draupadi's words bore insult not war.

Nikhil turned next page in her diary, she wrote her feelings about pandavas

Mostly she wrote about the Draupadi feelings for Karna.. Draupadi also knew she didn't love any of her husbands nor did she get love from any of them.

Of course, Bheema loved me most. He fulfilled every request, he cannot bear to see me hurt. Bhim killed Keechaka secretly for me. He took vengeance against Dusshashna for insulting/disrobing Draupadi.He also broke the thigh of Duryodhana. He is more like a friend, a protector to me. Bhima always asked me "Oh my queen, what can I do for you?" I always feel like a princess when I am with him. I could share everything with him except my love. I accepted his love but didn't give my love to him. I was so selfish to use him to get everything. I don't deserve his love. I am really sorry, bheem.

I cared for my five husbands and respected them, but if I really really loved them. I doubt that. I don't know, if I love them, Why it hurts more when Karna didn't come forward to help me when Dussasana disrobed me. Why did I ask help from everyone except him? Why I wished if I got married to Karna, I wouldn't be humiliated by everyone.

Love is not give and take. It is only giving without any expectation of getting anything from them. This sentence is perfect for my bheem. All my husband used me as a sex object but unable to protect me. What is the use of calling them husbands?

I tried to fulfill all my duties as wife to all my husbands. I had one son from each husband. I won't say I am a perfect wife to my husbands.

No one woman can't feel physically attracted to five men at the same point of time at the same place. It is possible that I have developed an emotional bonding with five persons after some point of stay but it would vary a lot due to the characteristics of different persons.

Still, I remember how my noble Yudhishthira hurt me by his rough sex during my first encounter. He didn't understand how I felt about it, he couldn't even care about my feelings. My sexual life with him is quite mundane. Still, I didn't complain to him. What I got in return is he skated me. He didn't protect me from keechaka. He complained to me about partiality towards Arjuna. What to do? He only wins me in swayawara.

I always believed Nobody ever could touch me when Arjuna was present with me, even Indra can't abduct me if Arjuna was standing with his bow and arrows. He couldn't do anything when Yudhishthira skated me. He could only curse on Karna not because he called me an unchaste woman. I believed he cursed him because he is his biggest enemy. If he really cared about me. He should take vow to kill everyone. He should have stopped Yudhishthira from skating me. He loved Subhadra more than me. I can't believe myself, why did I prefer him over Karna?

Nakula and sahadev, I won't complain about them. They respected me more than loved me. They always followed the steps of his big brother Yudhishthira.

Nikhil turned the page by page and stopped at one page. He looked on the day of wedding night.. This was my worst nightmare ever.

I am preparing a 32 meal course for a person. He tied my husband Arjuna and having rough sex with every night. Who is this person? I didn't read about him in the Mahabharata story nor he didn't appear in my previous dreams.

What did I miss? Who is this guy? Hope I won't dream about this guy again.

Later, on the first night of the cruise ship, I again dreamed about him. What is my relationship with him in my previous life?

On the second night, I prepared a 32 meal course, and Nikhil woke me up at 12:00 am to wish me a happy birthday. Nikhil asked "Why are you sweating so much? Are you having trouble sleeping?"

Yajna smiled and said "Maybe sea sickness"

Charmy and Ankur bought a birthday cake for me. They asked me to make a wish and blow a candle. I said loudly "I really wished to live happily with Nikhil forever and ever"

Nikhil asked "You said it loudly"

"Ohh, did I?"

He flicks my forehead "What happened to you?"

After some time, after Charmy and Ankur returned to their cabin. She hugged Nikhil "Nikhil.., I don't want to sleep now."

"What do you want to do right now?"

"Let's go for a walk.. or Movie.., stargazing.., swimming..."

"Swimming at midnight"

"I don't know swimming, teach me now Nikhil"

"I will teach you tomorrow"

With a sullen face I said "Okay" after talking for some time I fell asleep in Nikhil's arms.

Later that night, I didn't dream about that guy. But again, it never stopped. I researched him on Google. I found something strange a rape of Draupadi. This is explained in bheel Mahabharata whereas in other places there is no trace of this incident happening.

I am really wondering why I am dreaming about him frequently these days? I don't want Nikhil to be bothered by my nightmares. How could I say this to my husband? I am being raped in my dreams by some guy. His face is not even registering in my mind.

Today, I hurted Nikhil by clutching his skin while dreaming. This has to stop at any cause. Even pills didn't help me.

Nikhil turned to the next page.. it was blank ...

He researched about A rape of Draupadi in Google.