• you're a warrior • { demi lovato fanfiction }

- chapter fifty three -

• Sierra

"You're going to do great okay?" Camila says in attempts to reassure me. I force a weak smile onto my face as I continue to tap my foot against the ground. Today I have my audition for the competition team at the dance studio Demi found for me. I really hope I do a good job. I really want to get back to competing again and mainly just dancing. It's such a release from everything. I sigh and put my head in my hands. I've been sitting here for what feels like forever. I just want to get this audition over, I l've been preparing for days. "Sierra Lovato?" My head snaps up and I stare up at a lady who was dressed in a pant suit. I furrowed my eyebrows together. Since when did dance studios dress like they're going to the most important job meeting in their life? "Oh, um, okay." Camila gave my hand a squeeze and a smile. "You'll do great." I smile and follow the lady into the studio where three other people sat behind a table. They too were overdressed. I shook away my thoughts and walked out to the middle of the room. "Hello, I'm Sierra. I'm 13 and I would really like to be-" One of the men scoffed slightly. I don't know if he did that or if I was just paranoid. "Um, I would really like to be a part of this competition team because dance has helped me through so much and I also-" The lady who escorted me in stifled a laugh. I bit my lip, my eyes darting from person to person. "I, uh, I also think I could add something special to this team." I say quietly. All of the people break out laughing. My cheeks turned red from embarrassment. What did I do wrong? I shift from foot to foot as I wait for them to stop laughing. "Add something special? Do you know how amazing this team is?" The same man that scoffed at me asks. I nodded. "That's why we chose this studio." He rolls his eyes but gestures for me to dance. I close my eyes, trying to center myself before the music plays. It doesn't matter what they say right now. I may be able to prove them wrong, that I can add something to this team. However, do I really want to be apart of a team where the instructors belittle you? I don't think so. Maybe they are like this to everyone at first. The music begins to play and it's as if my feet take off without permission. They carry me throughout the whole song. I feel like I'm focusing on every little aspect of this dance but also not thinking at all. I make sure to use my face to tell the story, I make sure I never turn in my foot, or sickle it. I make sure I nail every turn, every jump, every move. The music stops and I relax into the ending pose. I scan the faces of the judges as I stand up hoping to find a positive reaction. I hope I impressed them. This is all I want. "You surprised me." I turn my attention to the man who scoffed at me. I could feel my heart flutter slightly. This is good, right? "You were worse than what I thought was possible.. In fact, you're worse than a person who has no experience in dance!" My breath hitches in my throat. I worked so hard and I'm still not good enough. I never have been and I never will. I don't know what came over me but I was angry, oh I was angry. I take a deep breath in attempts to calm myself down. "What kind of expectations do you have? No dancer is perfect." The guys just rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry but when someone tells you that the dancer auditioning is the most perfect dancer ever, than obviously you would have high expectations. It sets the bar pretty high." I bite my lip. "Who told you I was a perfect dancer? That I would be the most perfect dancer ever?" He shrugs. "Demi? I think it was. I wasn't to incline for any auditions but she said you were the 'most perfect dancer ever' so I obliged." Of course Demi would do that. I appreciate her effort but these dance instructors expected me to be perfect and I wasn't. There goes my chances. I blew it. Again. I was ecstatic about this opportunity but I never measure up to anybody's standards. Maybe it wasn't just cause Demi said that I was a perfect dancer, but maybe I really stink. As if it could get any worse, on cue the main instructor ran his mouth again. "I mean I was actually convinced you were a perfect dancer since the Lovato's are all insanely talented. Look at Madison, she's an amazing aerialist and actress. And Dallas, too! She can act! Guess the genes didn't reach you." The lady snorts and breaks into a fit of laughter. That was it. Not only did I feel completely worthless and let down, the lack of respect and human decency these people have is atrocious. Everything within me burned with anger. "First off, you need to gain respect for people. Get off your high horse and think about what you're saying. Belittling people and your over egoistic attitude won't get you anywhere." I spit at the man but all the four instructors at the same time. "Secondly, I was adopted so obviously I don't have their genes. I'm Demi's adopted daughter so by blood, no I'm not their family." The man sat there an eyebrow raised. "Well, Demi made a mistake adopting you. Goodness, who do you think you are?! Nothing! Get the heck out of here. Never set foot in this studio again. You're worthless!" My anger dissipated as I realized what I had done. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as I quickly made my way out of the dance studio. Camila stood up with a huge grin on her face but once she saw the tears rapidly streaming down my face, her smile disappeared. "Sierra, what happened?" She asked, jogging slightly to keep up with me. "I want to go home. Now." I whispered. "Sierra, Tell-" I cut her off. "Camila, please. I need to leave now." She put her hand on my shoulder but I shook it off. She looked disappointed but with all the anger fogging my mind, I didn't care. "Okay." She whispered and got in the car. I didn't mean to be angry but I couldn't help it. Whenever I'm sad, I just get angry. As we drove back to Demi's house since Demi we could said we could stay there, realization began to sink in of what just happened. Everything was foggy and dark in my mind but one thing I was sure of was that I needed Demi before I end up hurting myself. I could feel the familiar itch on my arms and I was scared. Scared of my own self. I rested my head against the window, watching the scenery pass by. It was silent all but the quiet hum of the engine. I closed my eyes shut as my thoughts got darker and darker. The itch was crawling up and down my arms shouting at me to hurt myself. As hard as it is to admit it, I do. I do want to cut. I can't do it though. I have to stay strong for Demi but I can't do it without Demi. As each second passed, I felt as if I was fading away from reality. "Worthless!" The man from the studio shouted at me. It kept repeating in my head and it felt all too real. It felt as if I was experiencing it all over again. It fogged my thoughts and slowly but surely chipped away at my sanity. I could feel my breathing falter as sobs racked through my body. The familiar anxiety began to rise up. Oh, how I do not miss this feeling. It felt as if my body was squeezed between two concrete walls and there was nothing I could do. Nothing. I heard someone shouting my name but I was far to consumed in my thoughts to be conscious of what was going on around me. Flashbacks began to play out before my own eyes and I know I let out screams. I gasped for air as the memory of the first time I was called worthless replayed in my mind. There are memories that I've tried so hard to forget but no matter how hard you try they still linger in the back of your mind. The part of your mind that is quiet in the day but when you're in a state like this, they scream at you to be heard..