• you're a warrior • { demi lovato fanfiction }

- chapter fourty two -

• Sierra

I rubbed my hand against my eye once I woke up not realizing that my hands were bloody. "Ew.." I muttered and picked myself up off of the cold tile ground. I looked in the mirror examining my blood shot eyes, the scratches on my face, and the blood smudged on my check. Fabulous. I washed my hands and then got in the shower. I watched as the the pink tinted water droplets rolled off my skin and onto shower floor. With a sigh, I began to wash my hair and scrubbed the shampoo into my scalp. After I had washed my hair and body I picked up my face wash and began to scrub in into my skin. A stinging sensation tingled on my skin due to the face wash in the scratches. I turned the water off and stepped out. I threw on some clothes and went downstairs. Usually in the morning, I would go and cuddle with Demi but after remembering yesterday's events I decided not to. I've seen Demi angry and upset with me but never like this. I was over it by now. I know Demi has a life and I shouldn't have assumed that she wanted to get rid of me. I just really wished she would've visited me. I cut up some fruit and placed in on a dish then set it on the table. Halfway through my breakfast, Demi jogged down the stairs. "Morning." Demi muttered and went straight into the kitchen. "Morning, do you want me to do anything?" I asked and quickly stood up. My palm began to sweat and the familiar anxiety began to rise. She looked at me funny and pulled out the milk. "No..?" I nodded. "Uh, okay, s-sorry." I said and darted up the stairs in fear that she would hurt me. I shut the door and slid down it, putting my head in my hands. It was an instinct, really. Being in abusive homes most of my life has really taken a toll on me. The way Demi had spoken yesterday had sparked the feeling of fear and anxiety that I had felt being in the abusive homes. Once I had calmed down, I stood up shakily and climbed into my bed. I racked my brain for ways that Demi and I could solve this. Maybe we just need some space. I walked into her room and saw her sitting up against her headboard. "Demi?" She kept her eyes trained on her phone. "Hmm?" I rocked back and forth on my feet. "Can I go to Dinah's house for a few days?" A disappointed look flashed across her face but she quickly masked it with a sad smile. "I don't think so honey. I have a lot of things planned and stuff so no." I nodded. "Okay, thanks anyways." I turned around and left a little bewildered that she called me honey? I thought she was mad at me. I shrugged it off and walked into my room. "Wait! Sierra?" I turned on my heel and walked back into Demi's room. "Yeah?" I asked as she patted the spot beside her. I slowly climbed upon the bed, keeping space between Demi and I. "Do you want to go to Disneyland with me?" I stared at her like she was crazy. She didn't even apologize but she wanted to take me to an amusement park? Kind of weird. For me, I always feel that I or the person thats wrong needs to apologize before they do stuff with them. It's always awkard and there is always too much tension. I decided to go anyways, after all, she might apologize to me there. I plastered a smile on my face. "Sure I would love to." She smiled back. It was silent for a few minutes. Oh how I hate awkward silences. I tapped my fingers on the bed. "Um, should we go now or..?" Demi quickly pulled out of her trance. "Uh, yeah! Let's go!" We both climbed off the bed and got ready to go. I followed Demi out to the car and then we drove off to Disneyland.

•

"Sierra! Let's go on that ride!" She exclaimed like a little child. I smiled softly and followed her onto the ride. I'm having fun, don't get me wrong but it still feels off too me. I don't want the holes covered, I want them sewed back together. Demi gave me a strange look. "You okay?" I smiled. "Yeah, um, I'm great!" A look of disappointment appeared on Demi's face. "I thought you would enjoy this day." I was quick to reassure her. "No, no! I do! I've been having a lot of fun! I was just hoping that we would make up.." I said trailing off. Demi sighed and rubbed her hands on her face. "I thought this was a way to make up. Sorry this wasn't enough." Guilt washed through my body. "That's not what I meant. Today you showed me that you still care and loved me.. I hope.. For me, as a person, I feel as if nothing will go back to normal if we never make up through words." Demi sighed. "Well, why don't you start." I nodded. "I'm sorry Demi for- I.. Demi this isn't going to work. It has to come naturally. If you don't want to make up and make things right between us.. Then whatever." She shot me a dirty look. "Then let's leave." I gulped. "You hate me again, don't you?" She shook her head no. "Sierra, just stop. We're going home." With that said, I kept my mouth shut the ride home. Demi opened the front door and ran to her room. I heard a loud slam from her room and that definitely said she was angry. I hated seeing Demi angry but I know I caused it. If I hadn't edged her on, maybe she would've apologized later. I was about to enter my room but I heard something from Demi's room. I pressed my ear against the door. "I can't take care of her anymore! All the spark we had.... Gone! And this time I don't think it's fixable.." I gulped and held back the tears that were threatening to spill. "No! I just can't anymore! It's too much! Too.. Much.." Demi whispered the last part. It wasn't too long before the tears streamed down my face. I quickly went into my room and slammed the door shut. What did you expect Sierra? Anything good doesn't last.. I sobbed into my pillow and gripped the bed. The one I loved the most turned their back on me and now I have no one.... I had thought after today, things would be getting better but I was wrong. If I can't be with Demi than I quit. I am done. Done. The anger towards myself rose and tears streamed down my face. She was the one that helped me, made me happy, and loved me. But I've ruined that now and I have nothing to live for. I reached underneath my bed and pulled out a box. { triggering! } Then, I went over to my dresser and picked up the 'special' necklace. It had a key on it. This key, opened the box to my deepest darkest thoughts. I slid the key into the lock on my box and turned the key until it clicked and opened. I pulled out the rope, the large and very sharp blade, the paper and pen, and the pills. I stared at the contents in front me and a small smile appeared on my face. Finally, I'll be able to leave this nightmare. I wiped away my tears and picked up the pen and paper. I think you know where this is going. I began to write my letter to Demi already knowing what I wanted to say.

Dear Demi,
I know you probably won't care but I just wanted to let you know I love you. I couldn't thank you enough for giving the best time of life, for adopting me, and showing me what love really was. You made feel safe, happy, and loved even in my darkest days. You helped me get better. Yes, therapists and prescriptions can help but there is nothing like the medicine of love. Nothing. You made me feel beautiful. You taught me that imperfections are beautiful. You taught me how to become stronger and overcome things that hurt. But I know I was never as strong as you. Don't cry when I'm gone. Just cherish the memories that we've made. There will never be enough words to express my love towards you. So I'm going to end this with three last words.
I love you..

I reread the note again and again to make sure it was perfect. I folded it up and wrote her name in cursive on it. I set it on the bed and took a deep breath. This was it. I pulled up my stool and attached the rope to the ceiling. Before I did anything else I grabbed the pills and my razor and stepped back up on the stool. I roughly unscrewed the cap from the bottle and shook them out in my hands. I hesitated at first but put them into my mouth and swallowed them. I slashed at my arms for at least ten minutes before I slipped the rope over my neck. I could feel myself passing away and before I gave up I whispered four words. "I love you, Demi...." And then I was gone..

• Wow, intense. So what do you think will happen because you never know. And you guys passed the goal!!!!! Yay!! I'm so happy I love you guys sooo much! So let's see if we can do this again. Can you do it by tomorrow? ;) The goal will be down below. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Stay strong and God loves you!

Next Update - Tomorrow
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