Wisteria Eyed

43

Warning:

Mentions of depression, burnout and other mental issues.
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A strange sort of exhaustion was what I felt first thing in the morning.

And while physical exhaustion was something I was quite familiar with, this bone-tired feeling that I felt in my very core was very... strange. Heavy.

It made me feel like my very soul was weighed down by something invisible and yet so heavy that it made me too physically exhausted to do anything.

Unfortunately for me, this type of exhaustion too was becoming a norm as I got used to it slowly through the days.

"Miya-aneki?" I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard someone call my name, "Are you awake?"

"Ah, yes I am, Aoi." I tried my best to smile brightly as I pushed myself up on the bed; the very action feeling rather tiring and unwilling from my own body, "How may I help you?"

"...are you feeling alright?" Aoi asked bluntly, making me smile kindly at her ever-present worry, "You don't sound good. In fact, I noticed you haven't even been eating properly for the past few days — are you coming down with something?"

'Ah, she noticed.' Was the first thought in my head before I waved off her worry as casually as I could, "I'm good, don't worry. It's just my sleep schedule's all over the place so."

I heard some shuffling from her side before a hand connected on my forehead, startling me a bit as I heard her continue.

"You don't have any temperature, at least."

"See, I'm fine," I smiled at her reassuringly before moving away to stand, feeling a bit light-headed as I stood up too fast, "I, um, I just need some time and sleep. I'll be fine after that."

There was a strange sort of pause before I heard Aoi sigh, "I'll leave you to it then, Aneki," I could feel her gaze on my back as I heard her footsteps, "Please tell me if you need anything, alright? And I mean anything. Even if it's just a conversation or something as small as maybe a massage."

"I... will." I turned to smile in the general direction of the younger girl gently, "Thank you so much for being there for me."

I heard Aoi grunt before the sound of the door closing echoed through the room, making me wonder what that was.

'Maybe I irritated her enough to leave me alone, huh?' I thought wryly before shaking my head as I proceeded to make my bed slowly, the very act taking me far longer than it usually did for the last few days.

It wasn't like I didn't want to do it but strangely enough, getting up and working on things like this was slowly turning more and more exhausting.

Was this the depression settling in? If yes, then what could I even do to avoid it?

'I should try focusing on my training more,' was the obvious answer and yet...

I was getting nowhere with that either.

Every activity was slowly becoming more taxing and my limbs felt heavier with each passing day — and yet, despite knowing what was happening to me, I didn't know how to stop it. Or change it.

Lord, I felt useless.

(~<>~)

"You are not chewing." Inosuke's voice jolted me out of my thoughts as I turned to his voice near me, "Why are you not eating? Is the fish not good?"