Wisteria Eyed

62

In my life as Miyasha, I'd developed a lot of habits that I never previously had as Chaya, with the most recent of them being adjusting and tugging at my glasses whenever I felt awkward or nervous.

It wasn't the only habit that I developed but it was the most prominent one that I noticed after reliving the last few days of my past life. Reliving those moments made me realize how much I had changed, which I had somehow missed or rather avoided noticing up until now.

A sigh escaped my lips as I packed my white satchel as always before going to any mission or intel collection.

Even now, as I thought about the strange habits I'd developed, I adjusted my glasses almost subconsciously to somehow alleviate the jitteriness I was feeling.

I didn't quite like how much a simple task was giving me this much anxiety — it was a simple week or so long intel collection with one of the Hashiras I was very comfortable with. Maybe.

I sighed again as I closed my satchel and put my face in my hands.

My life was a mess and I was the reason for every single one of its messy ends.

I mean, I knew how sweet and understanding Giyuu was and, with how he had been looking at me for the whole meeting yesterday, I was almost sure he held no grudges against me — even when I just kissed and dashed like the shameless anxious bitch I was.

His eyes held nothing but concern and acceptance for the past two days and that was further cemented by his words as he had even stepped up to reassure me alongside others. I knew he would never force me to say anything or even explain myself if I didn't want to and yet...

And yet, I still felt this high level of anxiety as if I was going to swim in an ocean whirled with typhoons.

Another sigh escaped my lips as I took my hands off my face and stood up. There's no use worrying about it or feeling anxious needlessly like this.

All I could do was face it — that's the only choice I had and that was the only thing I was gonna do. No use running away from it.

No, I can't run away from it. Giyuu deserved better than that, especially when he put his whole heart and soul into doing everything for me. Especially during that night.

I could feel my face flush as my own words registered to me.

God, was I pathetic.
I still don't get why the fuck I got so shy thinking about that night—

"Okay, enough," I spoke out loud as I felt my cheeks turn even warmer, "It's fine, everything is fine. I'm not shy. Or embarrassed. I can talk about it to Giyuu like an adult. Yes, yes, I can."

Unfortunately, as I turned to the mirror in my room, my face was still red and I looked like an idiot in love who couldn't even look straight at her senpai.

I immediately made a face at my own thoughts, feeling even more ridiculous with everything going on before I decided to just fuck it and leave the room before I could think of anything stupider than I already was.

I took a deep breath to clear my mind as I reached the bottom stair, noticing no one in the vicinity as everyone was busy packing for the shift to Kamikochi even this early in the morning.

I kinda felt bad that I was leaving them at a time like this but information was the main weapon in this war and without that, we would lose in a blink. To avoid that, I needed to arrange my string of informants in a way that I could trap Muzan before he could even trace anything back to us.

I wanted to smack that bastard in the back while he kept gloating in his false sense of security.

I had almost left the Butterfly Estate when I ran into Giyuu, his blue eyes widening in surprise when he met me outside.