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~*~*~
"my beautiful boy."
~*~*~
to james
i'm sorry for what i said in my office, i'm sorry for being narrow-minded and stupid and selfish about it. i got scared at the prospect of having that kind of responsibility that i lashed out. i shouldn't have said that about lily, that was unfair. i got scared of losing you to something that i see as something trivial, and i didn't take it into account that you are serious about children.
i hope you don't take the letter as me being cowardly as i'm not saying it to your face. i just want to make sure i say the right thing because i know if i was speaking to you in person, i'd say something stupid out of defensiveness.
i know i can have a funny way of showing it but i love you so much that it scares me. you'd think i would've grown out of that mindset and i thought i had, but at the mention of children in our future, i got freaked out and acted irrationally. i want you to be happy and i'll do anything to make you happy, anything.
you can come round any time and if i'm not at home, i'll be at the ministry and you can come there too.
all my love your reggie
james put his face into the letter after reading it, hoping to smell regulus' scent but all he got was parchment and ink. he put the letter back into its envelope and just looked at it. he knew regulus well, and with a lot of things, he couldn't be swayed and stuck to his guns. however, james had been aware that he was regulus' soft spot for years now, and he got the impression that regulus had said that to make james happy so he'd stay with him. when it came down to it, in years to come, and the time came they wanted to have children, he didn't see regulus sticking to it and taking on the responsibility and the challenge of being parents.
he wanted to go see him now, but he also just wanted to stay where he was, the spare room in sirius and remus' flat. with everything that happened during the war, peter betraying them was a shock but it didn't last long because of everything else, regulus killing voldemort being one of them. however, now all the madness was over, he was stuck with the feeling of betrayal.
"i'm going for a walk," said james as he walked through the living room, past remus and sirius.
"where?" asked sirius, sounding concerned.
"dunno yet."
he did know, of course.
when regulus opened the front door, he didn't expect a rain soaked james to come walking in, not needing an invite. regulus looked at the rain that was so heavy that it bounced off the ground and then he looked back to james, who was soaked through. rain dropped from every curl of his hair and his glasses were smeared with rain and he didn't wear the appropriate jacket, or clothes, for the weather.
