NCT & WAYV

♥︎YangYang♥︎

06.08.2021
Word count: 1235
!¡angst, mental illness!¡
—

Y/N POV

I slam the door and go to my room once again slamming a door, my bedroom door. I drop my bag next to my bed and I start to undress. I look in the mirror to eye all my scars. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Wow you're dressed nicely, you look less depressed." Since when do clothes define depression or not! I wear my sweats and hoodie again. A knock was placed on my door. "Y/n can I come in?" My roomie YangYang knocked. "Yes." I pick up the clothes I just had taken off and I throw them in the laundry.

"Are you okay?" He asks me. "Yes why?" I faked a smile. "I heard you slam the front door and then your bedroom door. Did something happen?" He asks. "No, I'm fine. I just had a long day and I still got a lot of work to do." I tell him. "Okay. I'm out eating later with some friends. You want to come?" He asks. "No I'm alright thanks for asking though." I smile at the boy. "Y/n?" I look at him. "You did well today." He smiles as he tells me.

"Thank you." He left my room again, closing the door behind him. Instead of studying I took some paper, pencils and charcoal to draw. I did this a lot lately but no one who knew about my drawings. I took some tape and my old drawings and hung them on the wall in front of my desk. I look at each and one of them. They had all something in common, my pain and sadness. The only emotion I felt and put into it.

Maybe deep down I still have some space for love, a one sided love story to be exact. I fell for the boy I share this dorm with, Liu YangYang. He only sees me as a friend though, which causes some more sadness to my emotions. I take my pencil and start drawing whatever I feel, I add some charcoal to add some... well not colour to be exact. My fingers getting smudged and dirty but I didn't mind. When I finished the drawings I taped it on the wall like my other drawings. YangYang knocks on my door again, I quickly take a book pretending to study. "Yeah?" He opens the door just a little.

"Are you sure you're not coming with us?" He asks. "Yes I'm sure. "There's nothing really at home, you want me to bring something back?" He asks me. "I'm not really hungry YangYang, but thanks anyway. You're really nice." I smile. "What are those?" He points at the drawings, I gulp. "I tried something during my free periods." I explain. "They're cool, it's different from other art." He walks in and sits on my bed. "They show emotion and reality. Unlike other artists. I like it, you should've gone for an art major." He tells me.

"What no!" I shook my head. "Yes. You got talent and you're an amazing person." He holds my hands. "What are you doing?" I ask. "I have to tell you, I can't hide it longer. I love you." He tells me. This was the moment I've been waiting for for so long! I smiled for a split second. "Y/n?" He asks. "I love you too but I can't hurt you so no." I shook my head. "You won't hurt me." He shook his head. "Yes I will. Just go out with your friends and have fun, have so much fun please."

He slowly nods and gets up. "You'll probably be asleep when I'm back so goodnight y/n and sweet dreams." He tells me. "Goodbye YangYang." I say. "You mean goodnight right?" He chuckles. "No goodbye, and I'm sorry. But know that I have loved you." He frowns probably confused at my words. "And I love you so if you change your mind, you know where to find me." He says as he left. I started crying. Come on focus, you were drawing. I wipe my tears away but it was no use so I drew on good luck as my view was blurry.

Once YangYang was gone I go to his room and put it on his desk. My last drawing with a sorry note. I haven't stopped crying. I go to the bathroom and take out some sleeping pills. I debated how much. "Who cares at this point y/n?" I questioned myself. I took all the remaining pills. I take the knife out of my drawer, hidden somewhere in the back. I look at it and sighed. I pull up my sleeves and look at my scars. I take a deep breath before doing it all over again.

YangYang POV

"Now go and tell her you truly love her and just muah and you're together." Hendery tells me. "Yeah yeah, you can get home right?" I ask. "Sure." He replies. I roll my eyes. "Come inside and crash on the couch." I open the door and we walk in. "You gotta be quiet because she might be asleep." I tell him. "But what about the muah?" He asks. "Look if she's not ready for a relationship I'll wait now you just crash here." I help him onto the couch.

I go to my room and find a drawing of y/n on my desk. I look at it and smile until I look on the back. Sorry written in charcoal on it. I frown for a second before I realised. I quickly rush to her room. "YangYang... call an ambulance." I didn't hesitate and take out my phone. "What's going on?" I ask her. "I took some sleeping meds. I'm sorry." She apologises. "Don't be. You'll be fine." I tell her. I had called an ambulance and they were on their way. "Y/n you gotta stay awake. Yeah. A knife? No um I'm gonna put that away and you'll be fine, I promise."

—

"You're finally awake thanks god." YangYang walks in. "I'm really sorry." She apologises. "Don't say that to me but yourself. I'm just glad you survived." He hugs me. "I wanted to do it but I couldn't do that to you, I waited so long for your confession, I just couldn't stop thinking about these words. I didn't do it." A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "They did find other scars, a lot. I'm sorry about those, you don't deserve it." I hold her hand and kiss it. "I should've known though. It's my fault." I sigh.

"No it's not. Can we just not think about it?" She asks. "Sure. But the doctors sure will be talking about it later." I informed her. "It's myself to blame it to but I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore. Just thank you for saving me." I started getting emotional. "Of course, I love you. I wouldn't let you die just like that. Once you get to the dorm again, this will be different, better. I'll make sure of that." I tell her. "I'm keeping you on that." She giggles lightly. I kiss the top of her head. "Rest some, it's late and this must've been really exhausting." I say. "Don't leave please." She squeezed my hand lightly. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay right next to you."

~
A/N: I apologise if this was a little too much for some. Honestly I just thought I was gonna write a short angst imagine but I couldn't hold back from writing. But just so you know, you're not alone and you can do it, it just takes some time
💚🌱