08.16.21
11:30 pm
I'm like so annoyed with myself!! I give E so much power over me without even realizing. E and I did have sex. It felt meaningless.
Like I literally feel nothing about what happened. I know that I would go on and on about how important my virginity was to me. But I feel nothing. I feel the same. I don't regret it, but I wish it would've meant something. That it would've been special.
That it would've been with someone I was in love with. And I think that's what makes it feel meaningless. I love E, but I'm not in love with him. I've thought that I was so in love with E. The way I thought I felt for him was so profound and then we had sex. And all of that just went away.
Yes I still have feelings for him, but it's like having sex with him cleared the feelings up. It made me open my eyes and see that I do love him. I do care so much about him and trust him, but I'm not in love with him.
And I wish I would've waited for someone I'm in love with. I wish I would've waited and made sure it special. Made sure it was intimate like I've always wanted it to be. But no I gave it to my best friend. I don't regret it.
He made me feel safe and comfortable. He listened to me and constantly asked if I was good. He made sure I wasn't in pain. I just wish it would've been different and with a different person.
My advice; wait for someone you're truly in love with and that they are truly in love with you. and make sure they make you feel safe.
YOU ARE READING
trying to feel better
Romancethese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
