trying to feel better

day 756

08.22.22
8:35 pm

Life has been complicated. My sister gave birth, but she's been a bitch throughout her pregnancy. We don't talk to her. I'm getting closer to celebrating my 22nd birthday and all I want is to be surrounded by people I love.

And as for E and I, well same old same old. He told me he has feelings for me which is obvious, but just a few weeks ago when he went on vacation he told me that the romantic feelings weren't there. Yet a few days ago he confessed he did like me.

He then proceeded to ask me to be his girlfriend. I said no because I was shocked and it felt like he wasn't being for real. Then he asked if he was being serious would I say yes and I said I'd still say no. I told him I know he doesn't want a relationship with me and he said that if he's asking it's because he does want one.

I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend. I told him I wouldn't know what to say and it's the truth. I feel like there's so much we need to discuss and figure out on our own. I don't think we're at a place where we can properly be boyfriend and girlfriend.

The other day at church someone said something that just stuck with me. They said when you see two people who've known each other for a short period but feel extremely comfortable with one another it's because God gave them that. And it reminded me of E and I.

I've never felt so comfortable and close to someone in my entire life. I've had boy best friends in high school. Guys that I'd call every day and see every day. And when I was in high school E and I weren't as close. We barely spoke, but now we speak every day. We know each other like the back of our hands.

We say similar things and act in similar ways. We know what the other is going to say even before they say it. We know what the other is going to do even before they do it. So I need you to tell me if I'm crazy. Cause it feels like we're a match made in heaven.

I can't explain it, but what that person said just confirmed that maybe, just maybe, E and I are truly meant to be together. We can't seem to let each other go and honestly, I don't wanna let him go. I don't want him to let me go.

I can't explain it. I can't make you understand it. But I just know with every fiber of my being that this is only the beginning of our journey. There's still so much more to unfold and I'm ready.