10.11.22
11:31 pm
My ex texted me today and it feels like I'm cheating on E.
It's weird that I even feel guilty because me and my ex just flirt with truly no intentions of getting together. He's the guy I text when I'm bored. He's the guy I look for when I want attention. He's the guy who I use to hype me up.
And yes this makes me sound like an asshole, but it's the truth. He means nothing to me. But I'm scared if E finds out he'll be upset or hurt.
It's not like I've done anything yet, but just flirting makes me feel like a cheater which is so weird.
But I also feel like I'm in my bad bitch era. Like I'm changing my sense of style, especially for the church. I'm getting more comfortable in my body and I love it.
I will admit that sex had a huge part in that. Having sex made me more confident in my body. Made me really admire who I am and how I look. I love my body. Of course, I'm still insecure about certain things but then I realize it doesn't matter.
We only have one body. God gave us this body and no matter how we look we are beautiful. Cause there's nothing more attractive than someone confident.
Fake it till you make it.
Back to my whole ex situation. It's like he flirts in ways E could never. He calls me nicknames and asks how my day was. Yeah E does that stuff, but with him, I have my guard up. With him, I'm not sure to flirt back because maybe he'll decide we're just friends.
While my ex on the other hand I know everything is two-sided. Not right now cause I don't have feelings for him. But I can't lie having him pursue me and make me smile feels good. It feels good having someone to hype you up. Having someone to make you feel good.
E could never compare cause I never truly know where we stand. Just friends or more. That confusion is such a turn-off for me. Cause it makes things more complicated than what it needs to be.
I don't know what to do but all I know is that my ex is a great distraction from E.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
trying to feel better
रोमांसthese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
