trying to feel better

day 418

09.12.21
10:21 pm

Not much has happened lately. If I'm being honest for a while I thought what E and I had was over. After we had sex we hadn't done anything. We hadn't been left alone. And we were honoring our deal that we made.

We decided that we were no longer going to do things friends wouldn't do. And for a good almost 5 weeks we honored that. Until yesterday.

We didn't have sex, but we did do things that friends shouldn't do. We were together in the morning doing church stuff and then he ended up coming to my house. My parents were working so it was just me and my younger sister.

I set her up in the kitchen to eat. E and I are in the living room and I go sit with him. We end up hugging but he just lays his head on my chest. He's obsessed with my boobs lol and I don't blame him. He constantly tells me how nice they are.

One thing led to another and he's sucking on them. Then he's kissing on me. And then his dick is out. We ended up going to my room, but I wasn't feeling like having sex knowing my sister could find us at any moment.

Long story short I swallowed his kids LMAOO. TMI I know, but y'all know how this journey has went.

And it's still insane to me how we've ended up here. We've known each other since we were 13/14 and to think that at 21 years old we'd be doing this. We'd find ourselves in this situationship.

I don't regret anything I've done with E. I don't regret allowing him to my first, but I understand the opinions of outsiders such as my girl best friend. I understand that E seems like such an asshole and jerk when he's around people. But when it's the two of us. Alone, he's a completely different person. He's like the biggest baby in the best way.

He makes me feel wanted and needed. He told me that he likes the love and care I give him. I told him to just find some girl who can give it to him instead. But he said I know how to give him love and affection the right way. He said he feels comfortable with me in every way. Sexually as well.

It's like we have something good. It's good enough for us. It's good enough for the moment. It's not too complicated. I think it only gets complicated when I get mixed signals. Like sometimes I feel like he doesn't have feelings but then when we're alone just the two of us. All of those worries go away.

He makes me feel good. Making him feel good in that way makes me feel good. If you catching my drift.

We also agreed to have birthday sex for his birthday. We'll probably have sex again before that, but we mutually agreed for his birthday. I'm excited 🤪