03.15.23
2:36 pm
It's officially over. I'm done fighting him. We spoke and for the first time, I spoke freely. I spoke openly with him and made sure he knew I needed to know everything.
He's in this really good place. In this really good relationship that's bringing him closer to God. What I couldn't do for him, she's now doing it. And part of me hurts. It hurts knowing that he's willing to control himself for her. He's willing to do that for himself and her.
It hurts that he couldn't do it for me. But I think that's because he and I weren't meant for that. A relationship was always in the air but I don't think it was ever meant for us. I think God knew we both needed more. We both needed something different. So I understand now.
It still hurts but I understand why it's her and not me.
And now I wait. I grow spiritually and emotionally with God. And I wait for my turn. Because if there's one thing I know is that what God gives, he gives good. I'm okay with waiting because I know this isn't the end for me.
This isn't the end of my story this is just the beginning and I'm happy. I'm at peace even if I'm still hurting. Cause I'm human and I can't just let go of everything that happened. The emotional entanglement that I was in was a huge part of this journey.
But I'm healing and that's what matters. I'm healing my heart, my mind, and my relationship with God. And honestly, God is my number one right now. I feel like I never left God but for so long I had him on the back burner. Going to church but still doing what I wanted. Praying but still putting a boy before him.
It was a lot and this heartbreak made me realize a lot needs to change. And I'm here God. Ready and willing to change. I'm here waiting for the blessings that are to come. I'm here preparing to be a blessing to everyone in my life and everyone to come into my life.
I want to be an example. I want to be different. And this is me being different. It's hard. It's not easy, but through God all things are possible.
So this is me moving on. I thought it would look a little different. But I'm okay. I'll be alright because I have God. I have the best gift ever.
YOU ARE READING
trying to feel better
Romancethese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
