Issue #16: you should see me in a crown

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"It's about time you three got here." Komi said as we were pushed into the middle of a small room. Our arms were tied behind us in our own personal chairs. We drove for about two hours after being abducted, with not a single word being said to us... except Rick, who funnily enough got into contact with Waller again about ten minutes after we started driving away from the city but once the guards realized he had an earpiece in they destroyed it and Tara and I didn't have our earpieces in so she doesn't have much of an update besides we're alive. "Where's my clothes?"

"They confiscated them." Tara said rolling her eyes.

"Sucks too, because we got you this really nice jacket." I said.

"What color was it?" Komi asked.

"Purple." I said.

"What shade, smartass?"

"Lavender." Tara answered.

"Ugh, that probably would've looked really cute on me!" Komi shouted.

"Hey, how about we worry about the more important problem right now?" Rick said.

"Which is?" I asked.

"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe the fact that we're about to get tortured for information by the fucking Russian military!?" Rick said.

"You say that like three out of four of us don't have superpowers and that the other one couldn't steal the shotgun from that guy and kill him by using his legs alone." I added.

"Тишина!" A guard shouted. Honestly he looked like Fidel Castro. "Вы, грязные американцы, расскажете нам все секреты, которые вам рассказал пес Волков."

"What'd he say?" Tara asked.

"He wants us to tell him all the secrets Volkov told us about their government." Rick said. "Вы нас ошиблись. Мы не американцы. было недоразумение."

"Фигня!" The guard slammed a fist into the table. "мы знаем, что это ваш телефон все утро рассылает спам на звонки волкову! даже если бы у нас этого не было, от вас всех пахнет грязной американской кровью. отвратительные свиньи."

"Status update." I said.

"I tried to convince him we aren't Americans but he's not buying it. He thinks we're Americans because they tracked my phone thanks to my repeated calls to Volkov that I thought weren't going through at all. They also think we're all disgusting looking American Pigs and we reek of Americanism." Rick explained.

"What!?" Komi shouted. "I will not sit here and be insulted by these worms! You! Come here!" Komi tried her best to gesture to a guard she wanted them to come closer to her without the use of her hands. Eventually they came over, carefully making sure Komi couldn't do anything to hurt them before she quickly stood up and... kissed him? Everyone was stunned and I felt something I hadn't felt since Elsa briefly went out with some dickweed from drama club. Was this jealousy? Am I jealous of some stupid ugly Russian military goon?

"You know what? Kinda not surprised she's whoreing her way out of being executed." Tara said. Komi sat back down in her chair.

"Как ты посмел оскорбить меня! Разве вы, отвратительные жабы, не знаете королевской власти, когда видите это !? Я всемогущая и законная принцесса Тамарана, и вы будете относиться ко мне с уважением, которого я заслуживаю! 'Американская свинья' как вы смеете оскорблять меня, вы абсолютные троголоды!" Komi said. Once more, everyone was in shock.

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