Issue #35: Schizophrenic

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THUD

...

THUD

...

THUD

Those were the sounds of Kay banging her head on the wall for the first five minutes of the session. When she was pushed in she gave me a death stare before walking to the corner and starting the onslaught to herself. I patiently waited while she did this. The first thing I learned was Kay wasn't really a teenager. I believe the age range is somewhere around sixty or seventy since the oldest tape I found in the pile dated back to 1978. She looked the exact same as she did in that interview except her hair wasn't as neat in prison and her "Beat Me Bite Me Whip Me Fuck Me Cum Inside of Me But Don't Tell Me You Love Me" shirt under the leather jacket and retro ascot were replaced with the Belle Reeve prison uniform that had a rip in the bottom half of the shirt exposing the white shirt she had on underneath. The multiple dampeners she had draped around her arms and neck the last time I saw her had been replaced with a huge belt with presumably 64 red lights on it even though I didn't count them.

Eventually she stopped and plopped down in the chair across the table from me and gave me another death stare with her arms folded.

"...And how are we feeling today-"

"Eat a whole bag of dicks, scrotum licker." She told me. "When does the shrink show up so I can give him the same message?"

"I am the shrink."

"Yeah, and I'm Nancy fucking Reagan. Fuck you." She said before looking up at the ceiling. "HEY SHITHEADS YOU'VE GOT A LUNATIC IN HERE WHO FORGOT TO TAKE HIS MEDS! I THINK HE SHIT HIMSELF TOO!"

"It's not my first choice either. Believe it or not, I'm being forced to work as a therapist to work off my prison sentence."

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"You just haven't been here long enough to realize I'm telling the truth when I say I'm the most qualified psychiatrist in this rathole, the only exception possibly being a psychotic clown woman that stays two cells away from mine considering she finished college. I also believe I have a bit of an understanding of your condition."

"You don't know shit about me."

"I may know enough. Now, Kay, I'd like to-"

"Hey, fuckface. Let's get this fucking straight from the start. I'm not Kay. My name is Jane. You're never going to meet Kay if you are serious about this little Doctor-Who-GivesaFuck shit. So get your head straight dick for brains."

"Okay. Jane. I'm sorry. Not that we have that out of the way, I wanna know-"

"Heyheyhey Guess what? I'm not talking to you either. Eat shit."

"Well that's two down, sixty two to go. Anyone else wanna share?"

"No."

"Hammerhead?"

"No."

"Lucy Fugues?"

"No."

"Flaming Katy?"

"No."

"The Secretary?"

"No."

Ask for Black Annis I like that one.

"Black Annis?"

"Are you suicidal or something?"

That's beside the point.

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