Issue #9: So This is the Famous Suicide Squad?

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"(Y,N). How's prison life treating you?" Rick Flag asked holding out a hand for a handshake. I decided to oblige. I had just gotten out of the room where the crazy Dr. Ostrander puts the damn bomb in the back of your head. "Or do you prefer to be called Crimson Ghost?"

"(Y,N) is preferable when the mask isn't on. And life has been surprisingly good."

"Heard you had an altercation with another inmate just a couple days in."

"It was a simple disagreement. He wanted to live and I thought he should die." I explained.

"Well keep the friendly fire to a minimum. Waller tends to get trigger happy when it comes to team killing and I also am not all that keen on it." He said patting my back. "Lets get you suited up." I walked into a room with a suitcase in it with "(L,N), (First Initial)" written on tape on the front. I opened it and the first thing staring up at me was the red skeleton mask. It was attached to a hood similar to my old raggedy cloak that I had gotten from a Halloween store but it was different. For one, it was made of leather. I pulled the cloak out fully and on the back was what I assumed was the Belle Reeve logo, the grim reaper behind prison bars, with "Task Force X" written on the back. "Had to fight with Waller to get the 'Property of' part removed from it." Rick admitted. Underneath the cloak and mask was my padded, flame retardant, Black shirt with bulletproof armor underneath and my matching pants. Next were what I was most excited to see: my retractable scythe as well as the gloves I used to summon it. After that appeared to be combat boots and at the very bottom a bottle of black face paint.

"What's this for?" I asked holding it up. "The whole point of the mask is-"

"About that, Waller doesn't want you wearing that mask unless absolutely necessary."

"What does 'absolutely necessary' mean? It's a mask? I assume whatever this is is extremely illegal shit. You don't expect me to go out there with nothing covering my face."

"We don't. That's what the paints for, Space Kook." Rick said. "Waller says you'll know when it's time to put the mask on. That's why it's attached to the hood, so you can just put it on when it's needed."

"This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard."

"Well, tough shit my friend, don't like it, I'm sure Waller won't mind having a discussion about it that ends with your brain matter on the floor. Now get saddled up cowboy. You've still gotta meet the rest of the team." He said before leaving the room. I groaned in irritation that I was so close to the mask but so far away but not much I can do with the stupid bomb in my head. I got dressed and put everything on, with the face paint being last. I did the sensible thing of just making the outlines of a skull on my face, black circles around my eyes, a "hole" where my nose was, the outline of teeth over my lips. Again, the mask would be better but I need to play my cards right, right now. It's too early to try anything risky. I walked out of the room and Rick then lead me over to a warplane and walked me inside. There looked to be... the biggest assortment of losers I had ever seen in my life, for the most part. Of all the people there, I recognized three: Terra, Blackfire, and The Dickhead who draped his toilet paper over me.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! Who's the dork in the Halloween costume!?" One dressed like a bug with bright colors all over him laughed.

"...You are the one making this criticism?" I asked before whispering "Seven."

"Alright, soldiers! Look around! These are your brothers and sisters in arms for the next few days. A bit of a roll call before we get off the ground is in order!" Rick began. "KGBeast! Killer Moth! Blackguard! Blackfire! Crimson Ghost! Ten Eyed Man! Turtle! And finally, Terra!"

"Hey, buddy, could you...?" The Ten Eyed Man said nudging to Turtle and gesturing to his seatbelt. Why is he holding his hands out like that and why can't he fasten his own seatbelt... wait...

"Are your... is your power you have eyes on your fingertips?" I asked, baffled that this guy even existed.

"Yeah! It's super cool! What's yours? Knowing when there's a sale at Hot Topic!?" He asked. He and Black Guard started laughing and they high fived each other causing Ten Eyed Man to say "Ow!"

"That's enough, ladies! No offense, ladies." Rick said, for the second part of the sentence he gestured towards Blackfire and Terra. I decided to sit next to Blackfire and she shifted just an inch away.

"How's the flying away as soon as your first mission starts thing going?" I whispered to her.

"Why don't you just shout about it to the whole world?" She scoffed.

"Now, word is that Russia is sick with playing nice with the United States and due to the defection of a certain unidentified American citizen that happens to be incredibly gifted in espionage, they now have the ability to send nukes over to the US without us being able to retaliate. Now as you can imagine, the US government ain't exactly all that happy about that. According to reliable sources, the nukes fly in five days, giving us more than enough time to get into Russia and do one of three things. One, disable the nukes from going off. Two, find and terminate the US defector and whatever they're using to disarm our warheads. Three, which is the least preferred choice and is only a last resort: killing the Russian President." Rick explained.

"Hold on, not exactly the biggest politics buff but wouldn't that just cause an international crisis and lead to nukes being thrown anyways?" I asked.

"Which is why it's a last resort and is only to be used if we absolutely need to, and if it is done, we're to make it look like a coup which... technically it is. We'll be getting inside help by our own defectee, Russian Vice President Volkov, who understands the President's recent anti-American and pro-totalitarianism actions has made him unstable. He's notified us which military base we need to attack in order to get option A completed without too many casualties."

"If we were to just destroy the weapons, what's stopping this 'president' ruler from just making more and carrying on with the plan?" Blackfire pointed out.

"VP Volkov has assured that if we succeed in disarming the nukes, he has other charges to try President Sidorov on in front of the UN which he will be incarcerated for."

"I'm sorry, we're going to fight the Russian government with this guy on our side?" Ten Eyed Man said pointing his fingers at KGBeast.

"KGBeast was exiled from Russia 5 years ago. More of a marketing name now than an actual allegiance." Rick said.

"There is one more glaring point that everyone seems to just be glossing over!" I spoke up. "It is February... We are invading Russia... in the Winter... anyone name a time in history that's worked out well for anybody?" The room was silent for a second.

"What do I look like? A walking encyclopedia of Russian wars?" Black Guard asked. I looked over to Rick since I knew at least he knew what I was talking about.

"...Well we aren't just anyone are we?" Rick asked. He obviously couldn't think of a viable answer. I looked around at my team one more time. A Russian who used to work for the fucking KGB, a candy coated moth man, someone named after a goddamn turtle, a douche bag with bleach blonde hair and a mace, a guy who's power is he has ten eyes on his hands, a teenaged girl with anger issues, and an alien princess who somehow acts like the annoying cheerleader girls from my old high school.




"...We're gonna fucking die."

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