DEFENDER [hs]

Chapter 35

   "Silence is her loudest cry."

Harry Styles 

I didn't mean to lash out. In fact, making her feel worse was the last thing on my mind. But seeing how irrational she was being, added fuel to the fire I already had in me. It sucked knowing how much her safety affected me. All I think about is what if they break in, take her and do things to her. 

Poor girl would be fucking traumatized or it would be too late when I eventually find her. And I know I'll never be able to forgive myself. I made a vow to Mr. Williams years ago stating that his daughter's safety and bringing her back home was my number one priority. But now, even years later, when I found out they were coming after her it ached my soul.

If she was a nuisance or the opposite of what she is now; innocent, kind, loving, lighthearted then maybe I couldn't give two fucks about it. But she isn't. In fact, she's too naive to understand anything about these people. It wasn't fair to be put in this situation. When her dad told me about what was going on and how I had to save Athena, I was pissed off. Pissed that he left his daughter unaware of what he does and now is letting danger walk in her life. Selfish is the perfect word to describe him. Maybe even useless.

Anyone would love to go out, strolling away in New York and I knew she wanted to. But there's always the risk of one of them finding and locating us. Always saying no to her always hurt. Anyone should be able to walk the streets anywhere, without fear. But again, we live in a world where many people are delirious. 

When I lashed out at her, all I saw was red. There was just so much anger pumping in my veins. I was mad that she wouldn't be able to defend herself at all. I was mad that even indoors she managed to hurt herself but sometimes can be so unbelievable. Like the time she blew up the car killing all the men during the car chase and had zero guilt about it. Where's that Athena?

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I cleaned up the pieces of the vase and tried cooling myself down at the same time. She was fucking unbelievable to the point I don't even know if she hears herself. 

"Then what's the point of you?"

'To protect you, Athena. But if I completely go under the psycho mode of protecting you, you would hate me. Despise me even. It should even be a blessing that I'm talking to you.'

I so badly wanted to blurt that out but enough crushing her already. It was true, I never knew how to control myself and the anger that comes with it. Breathing exercises helped but my last resort would be punching a hole in the wall or going to the gun range and firing aimlessly until the weight had been off my shoulders. Not necessarily healthy but at least it gets it out. 

I sighed as I threw away the pieces of the vase and headed to my room, slamming the door shut. It was only the start of the morning and all this shit had happened. I hopped into the shower, washing my hair and draining my thoughts away. I had work today, lots of it. 

Getting out, I put fresher clothes on and the pendant necklace Athena had given me with ease. I wore it every fucking day and it always reminded me of her. It was so induced into my routine that if I went a day without the pendant, it didn't feel complete. I slid the necklace on my neck along with the cross necklace that I also always wore and headed out of the room.

Not bothering on checking upon Athena I made my way towards the studio which was located across my room. It was a mess. Computers chords tangled, crumpled papers all over the floor, few guitars scattered on the ground, pages of lyrics on the ground. I hated this room. Anxiety and stress were always what I felt when I was here. But even though how much I dislike it, I refuse to find a better spot. Stubborn.