The Advice Column V

809

Advice Request
This person's ex-boyfriend says that they still like them while currently being in a relationship with someone else.

Answered Submission
Hey!

This is a situation where you have to make your decision quick and stick to it throughout. If a guy says he likes you but is currently also said to be dating someone else, then he is a red flag that should be avoided. He is being unfair and insincere to his current partner. This is clearly wrong of him.

Now since he’s confessed his feelings to you, you can either respond positively or reject those feelings. In this case, it should undoubtably be a rejection. No person should ever even try to believe someone who is trying to cheat, someone who sends other people confessions behind his partner’s back, even if he’s dating someone he’s not interested in. If he’s not interested in his current partner, he could simply breakup so that the girlfriend doesn’t have to suffer being in a loveless relationship.

It’s also less about ‘girls having each other’s back’ and more about being morally right. It is disturbing to think that he said he has a girlfriend but confessed to you. A guy like that is not worth liking because he chose to be in a relationship while making moves on other girls. Whether this girlfriend of his exists or not, he said it himself that he has a girlfriend. And if he, later on, says that they broke up and he still likes you, I would advise you to be wary of him and not trust him. You can never trust anyone who’s trying to cheat behind their lover’s back. If he’s doing this to his current girlfriend, he could do it to you if you were dating him. Even just talking to his ex-girlfriend (you) while he’s currently dating someone else is very wrong. Imagine if he did this to you, it would be absolutely unacceptable and unfair. Not many people accept the idea of exes being in contact with each other as friends.

So my only advise is to either cut off the guy completely or keep a very, very strict boundary with him where you don’t cross the limits of being distant friends or acquaintances. In this case, cutting him off is a better choice because you don’t need such people in your life. You may like him but I hope you can move on from him after you cut him off. You need to realize that even if you like him, he currently has a girlfriend, so you talking to him openly isn’t a very nice thing. This could also hurt his current girlfriend. You could potentially be encouraging his cheating by continuing to have contact with him, even if it's not intentional. Overall, I hope you can move on in a nice manner and find yourself someone who deserves you and treats you right and thinks about you only. Date someone who doesn't think of cheating, date when you've completely healed and moved on from your past love because only then can you be fair and love your future partner properly. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team