The Advice Column V

913

Advice Request
This person's friend messaged them 'I'm sorry' and went offline and they couldn't connect to them.

Answered Submission
Hey!

A situation like this could surely be tough to handle, and you’re never overreacting when you think your friend is showing signs of concerning behavior.

When this situation is actively happening, try to contact the friend, and wait about an hour or two for a response. If you still feel very scared, reach out to other mutual friends and ask if they’ve heard from the friend in the past hour or so. If they haven’t, contact the friend’s parents and ask to speak to the friend, make it sound natural, saying you have questions about homework and your friend isn’t responding. That way, their parents can either tell you that they're busy with an activity and away from their phone, or they can go check on your friend and see what they are up to. If possible and they haven’t responded for more than 4-5 hours, try going to the friend’s house, but this is a last resort. These are not over-exaggerations; this is your way of conveying your care and love for your friend. And it is never an over-exaggeration to be concerned about your friend’s emotional state and life. A quick response in an actively happening concerning situation is the best action you could take.

Now, if this situation has passed, I need you to talk to the friend and briefly communicate what you were feeling when she went MIA. Ask more about her, tell her to share what she’s been feeling lately and if she needs you, you’ll be there for her. Don’t pressure her into revealing things but always show that you are there to lend a shoulder and hear her out. Having someone beside you is such a comforting experience. Verbalize this and tell her how much it means to you that she’s beside you. If she has been feeling distressed, this could tell her that she has people by whom she’s loved.

Do feel-nice things with your friends like having a picnic in a park, going on a movie date, having an overnight stay at her/your house, writing her a card, or buying her some chocolates and flowers. Celebrate your friendship in a way that shows her the good in life. If she’s been feeling distressed, show her there is nothing to apologize for, and that you’re grateful for her and her presence in your life matters very much. Honestly, once she feels loved and understands that her presence matters to you as much as your presence matters to her, I am sure your friendship will grow stronger.

It is okay for your friend to want space or time to herself. Do remember that, but it is important that both of you communicate your needs within this friendship.

I hope your friend is safe. Please take care of yourself and your family as well. Thank you for reaching out and you can come back anytime.

Stay safe,
The Advice Column Team