The Advice Column V

914

Advice Request
This person wants to be a better person but aggression is their response to most of the situations.

Answered Submission
Hello,

Anger is a difficult emotion to hold back. The first thing I would suggest is looking into therapy or counseling, if you are not already in it. Therapy is a wonderful way to learn how to manage your feelings when they get too big to press down, and a licensed therapist will be far more helpful in this area than we are able to be. It is a great resource for people struggling with emotional control and mental health. Therapy isn't just about talking about your feelings (though that is a big part of both the function and appeal); it is also about learning coping skills. I highly suggest looking into it if you aren't already doing so. In the meantime, here are a couple helpful tips.

Identify Your Triggers 
If you find yourself frequently losing your temper, it's essential to reflect on the factors that provoke your anger. These are called triggers, and they can be anything from waiting in long lines to snarky comments from others, loud noises, or being overly tired. Rather than attributing your inability to stay calm solely to external factors or other people, it's valuable to recognize the specific circumstances that elicit your anger. This awareness allows you to proactively plan and respond.
Consider reorganizing your daily schedule to better manage stress or incorporate anger management techniques into your routine before encountering challenging situations. By taking these proactive measures, you can extend your patience, ensuring that a single frustrating incident doesn't trigger an outburst.

Recognize the Warning Signs
Your body gives off physical signals in response to stimuli. These signals can be a great way to help you keep track of your anger as well as help you know when you need to back off and cool down. Recognizing them early can help you take action to prevent your anger from reaching a boiling point.

Think about the physical manifestations of your anger: clenched jaw or fists, flushed skin (redness and/or heat commonly found on the face and neck), elevated heart rate, sweating, stomachache, headache, dizziness, etc. When you start to feel these symptoms, take slow, deep breaths and take count of how many/what you're feeling. If you need to excuse yourself to take a walk, rinse your face, do a few jumping jacks, or whatever helps you curb the rising anger, that's perfectly fine.

Knowing your signals helps you know when you need to step away and taking a breather for a few minutes is better than losing your composure. And the best thing to do is to keep quiet, take a timeout and excuse yourself from the room/conversation, take time to breathe and have an argument in your head rather than with someone. Vent out the anger through the means like exercise and deep breathing as stated above.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again anytime!

Best,
The Advice Column Team