The Advice Column V

862

Advice Request
This person wants to know how to overcome their shyness.

Answered Submission
Hey!

Shyness is a very common thing that many people struggle with, including me. When you are at home or with family and friends, you let down your boundaries. These places and people are your "safe zones." You are carefree with them because you feel comfortable and safe. However, at school or other outside places and people, you’re putting up boundaries to protect yourself in a social, ever-changing environment and situations like giving a presentation. This nervousness isn’t strange at all — you’re behaving like a normal human being, which is what you are. If you're an introvert or don't like to talk much, that's fine. We can't all be extroverts and social butterflies. However, you can definitely reduce your shyness as a response to your environment. I advise you to become more self-confident.

To feel more confident, accept yourself as you are. Don't worry about how people may perceive you. We all have different personas that differentiate between every aspect of our lives. I suggest taking some of your "home" or "friend" persona and start mixing it with your "school" persona. A great place to start is answering and asking questions. Additionally, bring up a topic or something you're interested in at class. If you're into reading, bring a book that you'll rant about. If you're into sports, talk about that. If you're into a particular TV show, ask anybody if they've seen it and go from there. Another great way is to compliment people. Compliment someone's hair, clothes, shoes. Congratulate people, too. If the school basketball team played really well and won the game last night, congratulate some of the players.

This may not seem like much, but it's practice. Even the smallest and most inconsequential things can make you feel more confident and open up more.

However, don't aim to be confident all the time. Everyone has moments where they feel more confident or more shy. So, don’t aim to switch your personality to “confident” or "extrovert" all the time. Instead, I advise you to practice feeling and behaving confidently, some of the time. The more you practice, the more often you’ll feel confident and comfortable in your environment. At the same time, forgive yourself for being shy at times. It’s healthy to have a wide range of emotions — and totally normal to close up sometimes.

Your shyness can change into a care-free attitude because of a variety of things. Hormones, a good night’s sleep, change in environment, listening to a good song, watching your favorite movie, or most importantly and best of all: practice. Be confident that you have the power to feel and react in a ton of different ways. Your shyness does not define who you are. Be bold in how you express yourself because other people won’t know your feelings and emotions unless you express them verbally or through other means.

I hope this helps and as always, feel free to contact us again!

Best,
The Advice Column Team