The Advice Column V

910

Advice Request
This person feels like they can't talk to their friends about their feelings anymore due to how the friends reacted to them bringing up their ex.

Answered Submission

Hello,

To start, no, there is nothing inherently wrong about bringing up your ex in conversation with your friend. As friends, talking about relationships, current or otherwise, is an important part of bonding and sharing with each other. It is absolutely okay to talk to your friends about your ex.

Where the issue might come up, and I am merely suggesting a reason for their response that doesn't paint either you or your friends in a bad light, is if you talk about your ex all the time. When someone talks about something often, over time it becomes less interesting to the listener. They become less emotionally invested because as much as they may care about the person talking, hearing the same information over and over can be annoying. That isn't to say that your friends think you are annoying. It is far more likely that they are just tired of hearing the same thing on repeat. Think back on your conversations. How often do you estimate you have brought up your ex in conversation since you broke up? Let's close our timeline a bit. How many times last week did you make a comment about your ex to your friends?

I can honestly say, love, I highly doubt your friends intended to hurt you or make you feel like you can't talk to them. If I had to guess, it sounds more like you might be fixating on your ex and your previous relationship, and like we talked about earlier, it can be a little frustrating as a listener to have the same information/topic brought up constantly. Think of a topic you're tired of hearing about. This could be something a sibling or friend was really into at one point, or maybe something your parents talk about frequently. It started out fine, and you listened because you love them and they're speaking to you, but after a while it got annoying. Maybe you never said anything and it fizzled out as they moved on to something new, or maybe you're still doing your best to ignore your frustration when it is brought up, but everyone has a breaking point. Your friends have just reached that point. They don't love you any less. They don't want to hurt you. You are still their friend, and you can still talk to them. You just need to find another outlet for your feelings about your ex. Try talking to someone else, a parent or another friend.

You can also try journaling about it, which I highly recommend for your situation. Writing out your thoughts freely is a great way to process emotions, and it gives you something to look back on when you're older or in similar situations later.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again anytime!

Best,
The Advice Column Team