The Advice Column V

898

Advice Request
This person is in a long distance relationship and feels that their boyfriend is not trying to maintain the relation.

Answered Submission
Hello,

You are right. Long distance relationships are hard, and a huge part of what makes them work in the cases they do is active, honest communication. It seems like you are the only one working for either of those things. Of course, I do not know your boyfriend or what might be preventing him from giving you some of his time, so take this with a grain of salt. Perspective is everything, and he may have valid reasons for his actions (or apparent inaction).

My first suggestion is that you try talking to him. Send him a message laying out your needs. I don't recommend spamming him or writing a long paragraph for this one. Simply tell him that to make this relationship work, you need communication, and it seems like he doesn't make time for that. Perhaps not in those words (please write it however you feel inclined to say it), but the message is clear. That puts the ball in his court. He will have been clearly told of your feelings, and he will have the choice to do something about it or leave it alone.

If nothing comes from this, or if the change doesn't last, then do what you need to do for your own mental health and well-being. You don't need to put effort into a relationship that bears no fruit. Ultimately, you need to understand your worth, as well as the value of the relationship. Does it hold value to you? To him? Do you feel valued in this relationship? If the answer is no to any of those questions, then open the line of communication with your boyfriend and come to an agreement. That may mean working on things together, putting your heads together and coming up with a plan of action. It may also mean ending things if that is what you, or you both, come to.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again if you ever need more advice!
Best,
The Advice Column Team