The Advice Column V

911

Advice Request
This person doesn't know how to stand up for themself against bullies.

Answered Submission

Hello,

It can be difficult to stand up for yourself, especially from people with no grounds to attack you. It's hard to argue against nonsensical arguments and that's frustrating indeed. That being said, there are things you can do to stand up for yourself.

First, talk about it. With bullying, it's important to talk about it because if no one says anything, it's all the more likely that it will continue. I suggest you try talking to somebody who you feel comfortable talking to. This could be a parent, guardian, teacher, friend, or anyone you feel comfortable with. Bring this issue to someone else's attention. Even if it's small things like laughing at you when you walk by. If they are making you uncomfortable, you have every reason to speak up about it. With more direct incidents, such as public mockery, verbal abuse, or anything physical, it's even more important that people know about it. It's especially important that people with authority know (i.e. parents/guardians, teachers, etc.) so that they can step in on your behalf. An authority figure has a better chance of making them stop than you do on your own simply because the bullies do not see you as a potential threat. This is not to force you but if you don't speak up, this sort of behavior normalizes itself and it could create more victims. 

Second, as cliche as it may sound, it's important to ignore the bullies. The goal of their behavior is to pull a reaction from you. If you don't give them what they want, they'll eventually get bored. If they snicker at you when you walk by, don't spare them a glance. They aren't worth your time. Don't engage with them if you don't need to. 

That doesn't mean that you need to be a doormat. If they say something directly to you, absolutely respond, just be mindful of what you're saying. Movies are a terrible example of what to do with bullies because most of the time, the snarky, clever response only fuels the fire. Instead of addressing their words themselves or turning them around in the same way, it is often more effective to call attention to the reasons they say these things. "Does it make you feel better to hurt other people?" or "Why do you feel the need to make other people feel bad about themselves for existing?" draws attention back to them and their actions without giving them much to stand on when trying to reply. And it's true. If they are so miserable that they feel the need to make other people miserable to make themselves feel better, that says far more about them than anything they could ever say about you.

I hope this helps, love. Again, just to emphasize, I highly suggest you bring this to the attention of a parent or teacher, so you don't have to deal with this alone. Message us again anytime!

Best,