The Advice Column V

919

Advice Request
This person wants to learn how to communicate with the person they are currently seeing.

Answered Submission
Hey!

I’m glad to hear that the relationship is going well and the situation seems pretty positive! I understand it can feel pretty awkward and nervous when talking in real life, but that slowly melts away the more you interact. It all starts with smiles and listening to songs together and commenting on the weather. Small talk and then the conversations gradually get better the more you get to know each other and the more comfortable you become in each other's space.

To improve your conversations, compliment something he’s wearing and ask where he got it from. From this the conversation goes to “Do you go to X shop often?” and “Oh I also get my clothes from that shop and I went there with my family last time.” and it slowly becomes “How many family members do you have?” and “How is your sister doing recently?”

If you don’t want surface level talk, you simply ask about anything personal and connect it to your own personal stories. Since you guys text a lot, he must’ve shared some amount of personal information with you. You can simply use that information as a bridge to have stronger conversations with him.

It’s also important to listen to him talk. So try asking questions that will leave him ranting or talking for a while. You can also talk and vent out for a long while and have him listening. Either way, you have a good platform to jump from since you both attend the same school, probably even have some similar teachers and subjects. You can get notes from each other, help one another with homework or assignments.

Any conversation topic is fluid and strong as long as you say it with confidence. Keep smiling at him when talking and look at him when talking, this can be hard to do when you’re sitting besides each other in a bus but it’s good to share eye contacts.

And asking questions like, “Hey, how was your day today?” or “How did your test go?” or “Did you have fun at the PE class today?” or “What plans do you have for the rest of the day?” seems normal no matter what. You ask that one question and your conversation can take whatever road you want it to take. An icebreaker question doesn’t have to be a favorite color or food question. These sorts of open-ended questions will lead you to understand him more, know more about his hobbies and maybe you can even ask to join in on his hobby one day like “Oh, I’ve always wanted to do X hobby, can you teach me how to do it some day?”

Fixing up plans becomes easier once you learn how to keep a conversation going on about topics you both share. In your case, school, hobbies, friends, family etc. can be considered common topics. Good luck, I hope this helps. You can come back to us anytime!

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team