The Advice Column V

886

Advice Request
This person is getting mixed signals from their friend.

Answered Submission
Hey!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Relationships are very tough and confusing indeed. To sum it up, you're getting mixed signals from your friend, whom you text frequently, and are a bit unsure where you both stand. From the looks of things, you want to pursue a relationship with him but are a bit hesitant about doing so.

One reason is your parents. You're worried about what your parents might say/do if you do get into a relationship with him as, by your words, they don't like him. Dating is a whole new ballpark and can be scary and new to both you and your parents. It is likely that your parents are a bit overprotective of you, are concerned about any ill intentions, or don't think you're ready to handle the responsibility of dating. And that's alright. As parents, it's their duty to care for you and have your best interests in mind. Dating is a huge responsibility that comes with compromises. For example, when I started dating, my parents were alright with it but gave me a list of compromises to ease their nerves. Curfew, open doors, having access to my text messages with my S.O., tracker on my phone, etc., to name a few. I wasn't going to try anything, my S.O. wasn't going to try anything, and my parents knew that, but it guaranteed my safety and well-being, which mattered to my parents. That type of thing matters to your parents too and I have no doubt that is one of their top priorities. I highly encourage you to sit down and have a conversation with your parents. Discuss those compromises and lay down the ground rules about dating, so they know that you'll be safe.

Another reason is the mixed signals you've felt with awkwardness and him texting you less. However, based on what he says, I'm pretty sure you mean a lot to him. Perhaps he just sees you as a friend or perhaps he does like you, but one thing is for sure, he does care about you. And as for the decreasing number of text messages, that could be a number of things. It's plausible that he did lose interest, but I think it's more likely that it's something else. While you're reflecting on your feelings and thinking about getting into a relationship with him, who's to say that he isn't doing the same. Or perhaps it isn't related to your relationship at all. Maybe something else is happening in his life that he's dealing with. Whatever it is, take it in stride and continue to be there for him. If he isn't texting you, take the initiative to text him first and continue those conversations.

Furthermore, one last reason is that you're unsure about a relationship yourself. Do you want to be friends? Something more? Are you ready for a relationship and in a good headspace to pursue one? Do you want to date him? Can you manage the priorities and responsibilities with dating? These, and more, are things you should be pondering. It looks like you've already started to think on these things, but it seems you're primarily considering external reasons: him, your parents, your friends. What about you? Could you see yourself dating him? Think about these things a bit more, write out the pros and cons if you think it could be helpful, and come to a conclusion about it. Bring it up next time you meet and verbalize your thoughts. Confront him about awkwardness and the nature of your relationship, so you can both figure it out and clear up any awkwardness.

I hope this helps and good luck! Come back anytime!

Best,
The Advice Column Team