The Advice Column V

901

Advice Request
This person's best friend knows that they have a crush on them and is playing jokes which hurts this person's emotions and feelings.

Answered Submission
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is not fair or kind of your friend to be playing jokes on you like that. My first and most important suggestion is to have a conversation with her about it. She needs to understand that, even if her intentions are not to upset you, her actions are causing you to feel hurt and confused. It's not fair to you to play with your feelings for her own amusement. And again, I do not believe she is doing this to hurt you. You know that feeling when someone tells you they have a crush on you, and you start to see them differently? It's not that you want to date them or that you're developing a crush on them in return, but you might want to be around them more, tease them, etc. because it feels good to know you are desired. It can be very confusing, and if it's not acknowledged, it can lead to behavior such as what your friend is displaying. It sounds like she's dealing with something like this. That in no way justifies her behavior toward you, but if you can understand that, it can help you to approach the situation from a place of grace and love. You love her; she's your best friend. You want to keep being her friend, but she needs to understand that her actions are affecting you in a way she probably isn't aware of. This is a boundary that you need to set. You like her romantically on top of your platonic friendship, and you are respectful of her feelings and her sexuality so that you do not attempt to pursue her beyond your initial confession that you like her.

Her not returning your feelings is a boundary she set that she is not maintaining. It is your job to set and enforce your own boundaries. So set it. Let her know that you don't appreciate this game she's playing with your feelings, and that if she doesn't respect your boundaries then you'll need to spend less time around her. You don't necessarily need to communicate the consequences if she doesn't comply, but it is something you need to think about. If she doesn't respect the boundary, move it out of her reach.

Ultimately, love, this is a conversation that needs to be had if you want to maintain the friendship you have with her. It is unfair of her to expect you to respect her boundary when she is consistently teasing you with it to amuse herself, and it is unfair to yourself to expect to be disrespected and not do anything to prevent it.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again if you want more advice!

Best,
The Advice Column Team