The Advice Column V

826

Advice Request
This person wants to know how to become a better person.

Answered Submission
Hello,

Personal growth is a continuous pursuit. You've made great progress thus far, and I am very happy to hear that you wish to continue in other areas of your life! The fact that you want to improve yourself is a great start, so you're already improving by recognizing that you want to be better. The next step is taking action to work towards the desired improvements. Take a look at the different ways/areas of your life that you want to improve. Being a "better person" is a little vague, and so that can be hard to work on because there isn't a specific thing to actively work on. Instead, let's take a deeper look. How can you be a better person? What does that mean to you? How can you work to be the "better person" you are picturing?

Let's take a look at your request. You said you want to be a more reliable friend, and that you want to be better in one-on-one conversations. You also want to make more friends and a positive reputation for yourself. So at the core of your wishes, you want to improve your social skills. Now that is much easier to work with than just "being a better person".

Now that we've narrowed it down to a specific region, we can start thinking about how you can make these improvements. The hardest part about working on your social skills is stepping out of your comfort zone, but that is, unfortunately, the way it works. Change is uncomfortable! Even if it is a wanted and/or hard-earned change. How you go about it is entirely up to you, but I suggest taking baby steps. There is no need to rush into things and take on too much change and discomfort at once. Maybe start working on your relationships with the friends you have now. And I'm sure they'd love to help you in any way they can should you decide to tell them about your endeavor.

When developing your social skills, it is important to spend time both practicing and observing. Observe how your friends interact with you, each other, and their other friends. You can do the same thing with other people as well. Watching people is a great way to see a range of social developments in action, as well as give you examples to study, mimic, and practice in your own interactions. Practicing is equally as important as observing! In order to develop your social skills, you have to put yourself in social situations to practice. Talking to your friends is a great place to start. It'll probably feel much more natural since you already have an established relationship. And from there, you can start putting yourself out there and interacting with people you don't know quite as well. And don't worry about not knowing what to talk about. If you don't have a specific conversation starter in mind, that's where small talk comes into play. It's not always the most riveting conversation, but it's really only meant to start the conversation. From there, you and the other person or people pick up other points to continue the conversation, and there you have it. Boom, social interaction! You can do this with people at school, work if you have a job, clubs and extracurriculars for example.

Developing your social skills is a process that will continue throughout your life as you grow and change, so don't feel discouraged that you're having a little trouble with it now. You're doing great, dear. Just keep working at it, and eventually, it will come easier to you. Just don't forget to put yourself out there! In order to be known, you have to let yourself be introduced and known. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself!

I hope this helps, love. Keep working! Message us again anytime.

Best,
The Advice Column Team