The Advice Column V

822

Advice Request
This person wants to share their concerns with their friend.

Answered Submission
Hello,
We are happy to take your requests! Don't stress about that. As for your question, no, you do not have to info bomb him with long paragraphs to get your point across, but it is important that you share some of these stressors and concerns with him.

What I recommend is that before talking to or messaging him personally, you should write out what you are feeling. Everything. Every concern, every insecurity, every thought or idea about your relationship, everything. I personally prefer to write this out on paper, but you do whatever is most comfortable for you. From there, narrow it down to the main points you want to talk about.

For example, if you have three pages worth of thoughts and one page is almost entirely about one specific thing, make a bullet for that topic. Do this with the rest of your information. When you finish, you should have a list of topics that you really want to talk about or that you at least have a lot of thoughts on. To reduce the risk of accidental info bombing, choose 2-3 of your points to talk about this time. You can refer back to the others another time, but it's best not to overwhelm Goop with an essay out of nowhere.

At this point, narrow down your individual points into a few sentences that you feel cover the most important parts of it or get your point across without being overwhelming for either of you. Having our thoughts written out (oftentimes chaotically or all over the place) helps us to process the topic and get our feelings in order so we can discuss them clearly and relatively easily. Once you have your points narrowed down and your overview thoughts written, you can send them to Goop.

Sometimes, people don't know what others need, especially when they don't need something the way the other person does. He might not need reassurance the way you do, so without communication from you, he doesn't know you need it from him. Healthy communication is part of any good relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or otherwise, and communicating when you need in order to feel secure and stable in your friendship with him opens doors for both of you to create a space between each other where you can both feel comfortable and safe to be yourselves. Boundaries like these are important to go over, and they can absolutely be covered without info bombing!

And if you are still bothered by the Bob and BobGirl situation, tie it in as an example when you talk to him. You can explain (after you initiate the conversation and lay out your base points) that sometimes you feel insecure in your friendship and that influences you to overthink like how you did in that situation. That would be a good way to illustrate your need for reassurance on his side that he still cares about you and wants to be your friend.

I hope this helps, love! You're doing great, and I am happy to help answer your questions and requests any time. Keep working on communication and boundaries! Seriously, you're doing great. Keep up the good work!

Best,
The Advice Column Team