The Advice Column V

838

Advice Request
This person wants to overcome their fear of being in social situations.

Answered Submission
Hey!

Honestly, the only way to get used to bad thoughts during social situations is to put yourself in more and more social situations. Just like how you got used to staying at home 24/7 and now feel uncomfortable outside, try going out more and then get used to being around people more. For starters, try going to the mall, grocery stores or parks by yourself. Then you can try for a more crowded place like festivals and concerts.

Feeling lonely without your friends beside you can’t be helped but please know that it’s not embarrassing or lame to walk beside your family when going out. As kids, we tend to be embarrassed by our parents when we’re around our friends or people we want to appear nice too but when you grow up, you realize how sad such thoughts are. If your friends love you and care for you, they wouldn’t care about how cool your dad is or how lame and lonely it looks walking beside your dad during a carnival. And even if these thoughts do occur, just ignore them. If people think it’s lame? Let them. You feel embarrassed? Can’t be helped. You feel lonely? Try your best to communicate with your dad and look happy. Go on rides, with or without people. Would you regret not going on that exciting roller coaster because you thought some people are going to find you looking sad? If they think you look uncomfortable, let them, you don’t have to concern yourself with what they think. Do what you want. Go wherever and do whatever you want (within reason, of course). You have one life and letting other people’s judgment hold you back from all the fun you could’ve had would be sadder and lonelier than walking alone in a park.

Plus, thinking that others will find you lonely is just your thoughts, you don’t know what anyone else is thinking about. People are all in their worlds and are the main characters in their own lives. No one is going to be concerned with thinking 25 thoughts about how sad and lonely you look. They’re going to go on more exciting rides, doing their own thing. They would rather think about the thrill and their experience than people.

You think other people look pretty? Cool. Try to see the beauty in yourself as well. Find clothes you feel good in, dress up, and do your makeup even though you’re going to the park or mall. If you feel comfortable doing that, go for it because you’ll start to feel pretty that way too. It can’t be helped that you want to look nice to boys your age because most people want to look attractive. They make themselves look nice by putting effort into their appearances. Put effort in ways that make you feel more confident but still comfortable. You don't have to try a whole new aesthetic if you don't want to (it's also expensive), but you can rework the clothes you have now into new outfits or find a few new pieces to add to your wardrobe that excite you.

Never let your mind think that everyone’s looking at you. Even if they’re from your high school, just greet them a big hi if you ever come across them and say you’re a little busy and move away quickly. Flash a smile, tell them you have your family waiting for you and they won’t find it rude or mock you for it.

All in all, my advice is to simply not judge what other people are thinking. You live your own life; they live their own. Life is about 50% confidence, and 50% fake it 'til you make it. Be bold, cringey, and wild in your way. Also, cherish your family. They’re often precious and should be a higher priority than your friends. I hope you get to meet your friends soon! Good luck with the rest of the year.

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team