Advice Request
This person's mother is putting unexpected pressure on them for their grades.
Answered Submission
Hello again!
Welcome to the new year. We are happy to hear from you! Not so happy with the circumstances, but nonetheless happy to help.
It sounds to me like you and your mom need to have a little sit-down chat about boundaries, expectations, and goals. You are normally an A student, but this class has been harder on you than what you're used to, and you're not doing as well as you typically would in other classes. That's okay. It is very normal; unfortunately, it is just part of being a student. We all have strengths and weaknesses. What you need to communicate is not that struggling is normal (though it is), but that struggling in a class does not mean you aren't trying your best. Your best may look completely different in one area than another: case in point.
I suggest having a conversation with your mom. Tell her how hard you've been working to do well in this class. You can only do as good as your best, and by keeping rigid expectations she is not allowing any wiggle room for human foibles. This would be as good a time as any to discuss setting a boundary with your education and mental health. You are going to do your very best, whatever that looks like in the given circumstances, and you will give yourself mental breaks when you need them to recuperate. On top of that, you need your mom to support you, but not put unneeded pressure on you. From there, you can discuss working together to create academic goals and new expectations for both of you. I hope you also do realize that what ultimately matters is what you’re gaining from the course you’re struggling with. Try to reflect on what new knowledge you’ve earned and don’t just focus on the grades.
Take some time to think through your feelings and put together your thoughts. When you're ready, take them to your mom and respectfully ask to discuss where you are in your studies, in your mental health, and in your relationship with her. If you can set the stage for open communication, it will do wonders for your relationship in the future. Communication will take you places nothing else can.
I hope this helps, love. Keep up the good work, and message us again anytime!
Best,
The Advice Column Team
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