The Advice Column V

874

Advice Request

This person is conflicted about whether they should practice their social skills to make more friends and maintain current friendships after a close friend moves away. 

Answered Submission

Hey!
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's always hard when one friend is moving and the other you don't see as much. To answer your question: yes, you should practice your social skills and try to maintain friendships. First of all, I highly advise you to keep in contact with both of your current friends. Text, call, and interact on social media with them regularly. Try meeting up after school too. Go to the library, park, or other local spots around your community. If your one friend doesn't move too far away, schedule something with them, too. I also suggest looking for new friends or at least people you can spend your time with also. When you lose good friends, you should gain new friends. I like to think of friendship as tiers. Your two close friends are in the topmost tier. While others are in the lower tiers. You don't hang out with them as much, but they are still friendly toward you, and you don't mind being around them. Try interacting with some of those people. Say hi to them and start an interesting conversation. Try sitting at their lunch table. You may not have the exact same common interests, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends and find some common ground. From what it sounds like, you like your current close friends because they're convenient. They're easy and engaging to talk to, and probably have similar interests as you. That's fantastic, but if there's one thing to know about people, it's that we're not convenient. We are the complete opposite of that. We like different things, have different interests, and act differently. I advise you to expand your horizons. It's okay not to have that convenience. It's okay to feel awkward in a conversation. It's okay to have that pressure. It's okay to have those idle conversations. All that means is that you either haven't been around them much or are distracted. I agree with you regarding idle conversations, but if idle conversations bother you, it's up to you to curb them or change the conversation into what enlightens you. Notice who and what gets you engrossed in a conversation and cultivate those conversations. As for how to reply or maintain a conversation, that goes along with social skills. I recommend starting small and then building them up. Start by practicing your conversation skills with family members or anyone you're familiar with. Use both verbal and non-verbal communication tactics like asking open-ended questions, active listening, and open body language to show engagement. Use compliments and be polite. Everyone likes a good compliment! After you get comfortable with these things, you can slowly ease yourself into larger social settings; before you know it, you'll be making new friends. This process of making new friends is not quick. Making and maintaining a friendship takes a while and is a commitment. Start seeking those friendships out now and keep at it throughout the rest of the school year and summer. Start interesting conversations, get their contact information, connect with them (send messages, memes, videos, etc.) through social media, and hang out both in and after school. I wish you luck and please don't hesitate to contact us again!
Best,
The Advice Column Team