This is just something i want to, not share, more like want to let it out.
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Joshua have been friend with Jun for a year or so now. They are an online friends, meeting randomly at social media. It was all rainbow at first. Of course it was, be friend with new people that share same interest are always a good experienced.
Until Joshua fall in love to Jun. At first he thought it was just a friend thingy or something like that. He just like Jun like how he like his other friend and maybe a bit more. But then he realized that if he can, he want take Jun in a date. Be in a relationship with him and so on.
Unfortunately, Jun is straight. Yes they might joke about getting married and all but he is straight and Jun also thought Joshua is straight. Maybe that's why he's comfortable to make that kind of joke. Eventhough it's a sweet fake thing, Joshua is still happy. He's always happy when it come about Jun. Even when Jun talk about his crush over this preety girl, Joshua is still happy cause Shua know Jun deserve all the happiness he can get. Jun have been there for him when he's in the lowest eventhough they are miles apart. Jun is in China while he is in America.
Joshua have an urge to tell Jun about his sexuality but he choose to not to because he himself is confused and scared of his feeling toward jun. He want it to be a genuine feeling when he confessed not hesitated feeling.
So they just stay as friend until one day, Joshua start to realized that he slowly losing Jun. Not losing like Jun distancing himself it just, they are getting busy with their life and Jun only come online for a few times and dissapeared and that scared Joshua. He don't want to lose Jun. No matter as a friend or as his crush. Not only that, he also know Jun is struggle with something and he just want to show love to him.
But maybe he went a bit overboard when he confessed his feeling right there and then. He told Jun about his feeling, his hesitation but he also told Jun that he's fine with them being friend. He is fine if Jun can't accept his feeling. He don't even want Jun to be his boyfriend cause he know jun is straight. He don't want to force jun's feeling toward him. But one thing he hope is, Jun treat him like usual. Treat him like before he's confessing.
But something change that day. Eventhough Jun said he'll still treat him like a friend, something definitely change. Jun seems like distancing himself. If before jun can't text him often because they are busy, now Jun don't even reply anymore even when he's online. Joshua try to be positive. Maybe Jun is shocked and need time. But he's also a human. A confused, nervous scared one.
What should he do?
[A/N]
What should I do. I shouldn't confessed to you. I ruin our friendship. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I should have just keep this to myself. Now you must feel so uncomfy with me. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm deeply sorry. Should we really stop becoming friend? If that's the better thing to do then i'll do it. I think it's better to lose you like this then you feel so uncomfy with me forever. I ruin it. I accept my own fault. I hope we can start over again. I know u r straight and i just assume because you read bl you'll be fine with my confession. I want us to become the old us. But i don't think it will happen again. I hope I never like you. I lose you and it's completely my fault. I'm sorry again. Don't blame yourself. This is not your fault but mine.
