When things in life are moving so fast we often forget to stop and think about the small things. Or we tend to push things to the back of our minds to forget about things that causes hurt and trauma and live in the fast life. But what happens when everything we once thought we knew wasn't really what we known.
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Queen! Monster yelled my name from down the stairs. I rolled my eyes and got up from the bench. "Queen!" He yelled again but this time much more sternly.
I'm right here stop yelling! I said annoyed walking past him. He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.
What you got an attitude for?
Uhhh I'm still grieving the loss from both of my children Monster When don't I have an attitude?
How many times I tell you, you can't let that shit control you! It's been a month and a half. That shit ain't good for you or this baby!
I can't help it and you know that!
Yes you can, you gone be miserable this whole pregnancy?
Yeah I shouldn't of gotten pregnant so fast...
You ever stop to think that, that's what was in gods plan? A child for us either way?!
So what do you want me to do huh? Just forget about my babies?
NO! You taking Shìt out of context now...they was very much of my babies just as well as they was yours. All I'm saying Queen is that you can't let this shit control you. Baby you gotta shake back!
I'm trying! I desperately wanna be okay I really do Ja'Kari but I can't something isn't right and I know it's not! I just get the feeling that he's not gone it just doesn't feel right to me! It's just not fair. I started to cry and Monster pulled me close to him.
*FLASH BACK OVER*
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Mommy! My son smiled getting out of his fathers car and running up the drive way.
Hi baby! I smiled as he ran past me.
Hi mom! My daughter smiled walking past me going in the house as well.
Hi baby!
My kids was 5 and 6. Amaris was 6 and Azaria was 5. A month after losing both my sons I ended up getting pregnant with Amaris. And right after he came so did Azaria. Both their names ment "Gift from God". I was so distraught after the loss of my kids I was severely depressed and all I ever wanted was to feel okay.
They ate and had their baths already! Monster said as he handed me their bags.
Okay thank you! I forced a half of smile on my face.
Hi Queen! Kelly yelled from the passenger seat of Monsters car. She acted like she just had to speak and make her presence known when she was around.
After me and Monster had our kids two months after we had Azaria we split apart. We was arguing so much that we couldn't see the love we had for each other any more. It drove us both crazy. And I was so depressed I felt like my whole world had crashed down. I never stopped loving him it just got harder for the both of us. He eventually moved on 4 years later. We didn't get divorced but we separated. His now fiancé is putting the pressure on him to make sure he gets a divorce so they can get married early next year. I don't know what he's waiting on though. He purposed to her that's must be what he wanted.
Why she always so loud? Austin asked walking past the doorway. "I can hear her from upstairs!" He said sitting on the couch and turning his game on.
Aye be nice! I yelled at him.
But ma...
No buts did your mom bring your book bag?
Yes I have it!
When Austin turned 4, Shalease gave me parental rights to him and let me adopt him as my son. She still had rights but we grown a relationship where she thought I was the better mother figure for him and she wanted him to have that two parent household. I didn't mind cause me and Monster was still married, together, and Austin will always be my son wether he likes it, she likes it, Austin likes it or not. I don't give a damn.
But she has been becoming a better mother over the years. She gets him every other weekend and on the opposite weekends he's with Monster. Austin was 8 going on 9 in just a few short months. He was so smart and tall for his age. Definitely was the best big brother to his younger siblings and understands that even though I'm his mom, Shalease is his birth mom and Monster is his dad. It just works!
Lose that attitude before that game goes with me! Monster said leaning into the door.
Sorry!
Baby come on! We gone be late meeting with the divorce lawyers bae! Kelly yelled out the window.
You really doing it huh? I asked licking my lips and folding my arms.
Queen....
I ain't tryna hold you up. Congratulations though!
I smiled and nodded my head. I stepped back into my house and closed the door behind me. I couldn't look in his eyes. He had this look that said so much that his words couldn't.
Mommy what's a divorce? Azaria asked looking up from her phone.
Nothing you need to worry about!
Well Kelly said you and daddy getting a divorced!
I bent down to my daughter looking her in her eyes. What me and daddy go through isn't any of you or you guys business no matter what me and daddy love all of you the same as we did yesterday and even more than we will tomorrow okay!
Okay mommy I love you! She giggled kissing my cheek.
I love you more Azaria Blessyn! I smiled.
I swear if it wasn't for my kids I would never be sane.
