Haitani's little sister

I'm sad so I'm writing

This isn't a chapter and honestly it's not even related to story. You really don't have to read it. I was just ... sad? I don't know. Just got kinda overwhelmed and needed some comfort so I wrote it for myself. Pathetic isn't it? It's not even good, I just needed something to calm donw.I'll probably delete this in few hours when I'm calmer and think actually. Sorry for bothering you with this sh*t.
I'll try to post new chapter as soon as possible but I'm not sure when, I've got a lot of tests in school so I'll have less time to write for at least 2 weeks. Sorry

I cried. It wasn't pretty but at least it wasn't loud. I don't need anyone to see me like this. They can't see me like this, like a mess. Tears streamed down my face and my mouth hung open silently gasping for air, only little whines escaped me now and then. I didn't need a mirror to know my face is bright red covered in tears. I curled tighter on bed hugging my pillow.

I don't even know why I started crying. It was just all too much lately and I was good until I wasn't. I can't even remember which little thing pushed me over the edge and left my crying in my room. It's so stupid, I'm overreacting. But I can't help it. No matter how much I tried to calm my breathing it didn't work. Despite my silent gasps for air there wasn't enough of it in my lungs. I know it was stupid but I couldn't stop. My thoughts wandered to all the times it happened before. 

How can you cry because of that

Chill it's not such a big deal

Stop being hysteric 

I know, I know it's stupid. But why can't you understand that it's not my choice! That I can't stop these tears again. Not this time.

Constant buzzing of my phone announcing new messages was driving me insane. Why had he decided to text now? I didn't want to see them. Don't text me. Shut up, shut up I don't want to talk! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I threw my phone to other side of bed and curled farther from it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it all.

There was a soft knock on door. No, I don't want you to see me like this.

"Princess? Are you alright?"

I bit my lip and tried to even my breaths.

"'m fine."

My voice betrayed me. It was clearly high pitched and sounded more like a sob. It was clear I was lying but part of me still hoped he'll trust me and go away. Yet the other part beg for him to come in.

I didn't know if to be happy or no when Ran opened the door and approached me slowly. I had my back turned on him but he could still clearly see the way silent sobs wrecked my frame. 

"Are you ... crying?"

He sounded unsure and worried. It was unusual for me to cry, I coulnd't blame him. I  pressed my face more firmly against the pillow.

"N-no, idiot."

That wouldn't be convincing even if my voice didn't broke on sob. I felt a bad next to me bend over as Ran sit on edge.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head still not facing him. 

"Do you want me to leave."

After a moment of hesitation I shook my head again. I didn't want to stay alone. 

"Okay."

He stayed where he was. It didn't took long till I let go of the pillow and threw myself at him. Holding him tightly. He said nothing as I sobbed into his shirt, just warped  his hands around me and hold me close. It took my few minutes to calm down but I still hold him, just not so strongly.

"'m sorry, I'm a mess."

I chuckled wetly. Ran ran his fingers trough my hair and when I looked up I could see him shaking his head gently. 

"Don't be sorry, everyone has a bad days."

I hummed a little but didn't believe him. I had no reason to break like this. It was such a stupid reason. I shouldn't be like this -

"You're bottling your emotions too often. It's good to let them out. If you feel  like crying then just cry. There's no such a thing as a not good enough reason."

"What if I'm just doing it for attention?"

I didn't know why I asked it. But it bugged me for a long time. What if only reason I did this, reacted like this was because I wanted to get attention? What if they were right when they said it?

"If you were doing this for attention you wouldn't try to muff your sobs alone in your room. If anyone ever tells you that you're breaking down just for attention, send them to me. I'll explain to them how wrong they are."

It got me to laugh a little. 

"Will you explain with your baton?"

"Of course! How else are they supposed to understand?"

I laughed again and leaned against Ran. I was feeling much calmer. 

"You're not a mess, princess."

"Mess or no, we love you anyway."

I looked to door and saw Rindo. I haven't noticed him before.

"Rin ..."

He came over to bed and sat before me handing me a glass of water. I gladly accepted it. Now when I was calmer I realized how dry my throat got.

"Are you feeling better?"

I nodded. I was already calm again. 

"Thank you."

"Any time. You deal with our sh*t all the time. It's just fair we help you with your problems."

"Whenever you feel stressed or like it's too much just come to us. We won't turn you down."

I smiled. I couldn't with for better brothers. Despite that I was already much calmer I still didn't feel like getting up. So I stayed leaned against Ran, next to Rin. Even I can right to be clingy from time to time and today feels like one of these days.