I should be your Beta, not your Mate

4 - Kyran August Joffrey Yldiz Crimson

Aghast, Cassian stared at his folded hands in his lap. I, for myself, leaned backwards and supported my body with my arms behind my back.

Still, I was lost in my memories and just wished to delete our whole past. How easy would it be if I didn't know him from the beginning or would be a girl. It would have made our future easier.

Slightly, I slipped back and leaned against the wall my bed stood next to.

»I destroyed our future,« he croaked bitterly and looked up for the first time after I told him everything. Remorse and despair in his eyes, face, and body.

»If some stranger saw this... unforgivable sin I did to you, they could kill you,« he said further and buried his hand in his chocolate brown hair.

»If the Alpha won't kill me nobody in this pack would dare to and nobody from outside our pack should ever see those scars. And if the Alpha of this pack tolerates my traitor mark, I have nothing to fear, except for some bullying. And I'm already used to that.«

I shrugged my shoulders and placed my hand on my belly and touched the four lines. »It's just something I have to live and stay alive with.«

Heavily sighing, he stretched out his hand and looked at me hesitantly. I let my hands sink and allowed him to touch my skin. Trembling his fingers slid over my scarred skin while he pressed his lips together.

»Can it somehow be undone?«

Desperate, he looked up and let me shake my head.

»It's a mark that will stay for my whole life.«

He stopped touching my belly and the pleasant feeling of his touch disappeared. He looked like he wanted to touch me, and I too got forced from something inside me to touch him - or get touched by him.

Doubting, I looked down before I patted the place next to me. Immediately he slid next to me but held some distance between us. I held out my open palm and he looked at it in surprise before he grasped my hand and laced our fingers together.

»Why do you let me touch you, although I did those terrible things to you?«

Tired of everything, I looked up to him and then laid my head down on his shoulder.

»First of all, we are freshly marked, and I have the urge to touch your skin. Even if physical contact is forbidden between us after this. Secondly, it's only holding hands what should be more disgusting to you than it's for me because you aren't gay.«

I closed my eyes tiredly and listened to his fast heartbeat. It just calmed down. I didn't pay mind to the fact that his heart was almost pumping out of his chest with the way it beat so fast. I was just too tired to pay attention to anything anymore.

»You are right...«

His voice got quieter while I listened to his heartbeat and got rocked to sleep by the fast but constant thumping.

»Kyran, I-«

Only even breathing came from me while I felt that he softly laid me down and pulled my blanket over my body. Softly he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead which left a tingling feeling.

»I'm so sorry for everything.«

And then I got lost in the beautiful darkness and got my wanted and needed sleep.

The next time I woke up someone shook my body, hardly.

Grumbling, I turned to the other side and mumbled, »Jerk off by yourself, Toby. I don't want to help you...«

Humming to myself, I rolled my body into a ball and sighed satisfied.

»I didn't ask for your help to jerk off, moron! And it's Elli, not Toby! Come down, breakfast is ready, and school begins in an hour. And I think, you probably want to take a shower before that!«