I should be your Beta, not your Mate

Side-Story: 8

This story is a 'What if...?'-story. What if Cassian hadn't been an idiot, asshole and coward after Kyran's outing and just confessed his feelings?!

Side-Story: 8 - What if...? - Part 1

Cassian

Nervously, I watched him from the side of the school ground. He was playing some kind of tag game with Ethan and other people.

His hair clung sweaty against his head and a bright smile lit up his face. The sun made his light colored blond hair shine like he was part of the sun itself. Like the sun only shone for him.

He was so beautiful. My hands were damp and I rubbed them against my pants to somehow dry them.

My heart was beating hard against my ribcage and I wasn't sure if it would stop beating any second now from overwork. Shit, was I really about to do that?

Two years had passed since he had outed himself. We were both 16 now and I was a fucking idiot in love that wanted to be together with his childhood crush.

The only thing that had stopped me from confessing until now was my own insecurity. What if we needed to split up when we met our fated mate? I was scared but just wanted to get those feelings off my chest.

Two years. We could have two years and then see what the future would bring us.

Well, he needed to accept my confession first before I made further plans. But still, I really hoped we could have a little time together.

I tried to avoid him and even said some mean things, though I tried to hold my tongue very quickly. Only for a few weeks, right after his outing but after that I tried to shut myself up.

I didn't want to hurt him only because I liked him and couldn't be together with him because he was my Beta.

»What're you looking at?« Caleb asked and leaned over to somehow follow my sight. »Ah, stalking my brother again.«

Grimly, I looked at the year-younger version of Kyran - with clear blue eyes instead of sparkling brown.

Defensively, he lifted his arms up and grinned. »What? Just observing my head over heels best friend crushing on my brother for like, what, a decade?«

Gosh, it really was pretty much a decade. Maybe I was already obsessed with him when we were still kids. My parents still told me about our childhood where we slept together and clung to each other. And my completely overprotective behavior.

Shit, did that somehow make me some kind of creep?

Shivers went down my spine and I massaged the bridge of my nose because of the incoming headache. Let's just not tell him about my creepy childhood behavior.

»So, when are you going to give yourself a kick in the ass?« Lucien joined our bickering and munched on his breakfast. The only girl from our group was somewhere between the tag players with Kyran.

Why would Kate sit still with us if she could run around like a maniac?

»After school,« I mumbled and wiped my hands on my pants again. »You need some help to stop him from going home or...?«

I shook my head. I appreciated the help and support from my friends but I needed to do this on my own.

As Lucien said, I needed to give my ass a kick and just confess. The regret of not confessing my feelings when I still had a chance would eat me alive when I found my true mate.

True mate... I hated those words already from deep within me. True love? Fate? Mate?

What were all those, if not something forced and possibly fake?