Someone Hiding in the Shadows...

66 - Tony's Tale (Part One)

If you wanted to label the level of awkwardness of what I felt right now, it would be without a doubt a good twenty plus out of ten. If I could sink into the floorboards and disappear, I would. In fact, if only I could.

Right, so how do I play it? Think quickly, I feel like the spotlight is on me and the heat is getting hotter by the second. Do I lie, say it was a friend? Do I skirt about the issue and change the subject? Not sure that is going to wash. A bit of a dilemma here then. Guess that is the understatement of the year!

There was an uneasy silence here between us, as he waved the stick in front of me and looked at me, straight dead in the eyes. I tried to look away but I could feel is eyes regardless searing into me.

"Athina" he said to me. "Mmm," I replied. "Do you want to talk about this? I know this isn't strictly my business Athina, but I would like to think we are friends."

Still I said nothing. It was all so new to me, I was still in shock.

I could sense him getting frustrated when I didn't really respond, so he carried on. "Look Athina, the way you charged up the road there and back this morning looking like you just got out of bed and thrown the first thing you found, well it's not you. I knew something was wrong before I came up here. I want to help you love but I it's difficult if you won't talk to me", said Tony as he sadly put the pregnancy stick on top of the dining table.

"Ahhh," I stuttered "It's just that it is a bit of shock Tony, it's not that I don't appreciate your friendship, because I do, but I have only just found out and I am having a problem coming to terms with it and knowing what I do next," he came over and gave me a big hug.

He was still holding me as I sobbed, as the tears racked my whole body. I could see he was unsure of what to do. He pulled away slightly and asked me, "Have you discussed it with Jarod?" I shook my head in the negative. "Why not?" I looked at him with my tear brimmed eyes, as my lips wobbled.

"Everything is okay, isn't it? I mean you are engaged and he seems like he could easily support you and a baby. Are you afraid he won't want the baby?"

I shook my head again, "Tony, he's desperate for a child. Jarod's been trying to convince me to have a baby for at least the last 3 months. I have only known him around 9 months. Don't think I don't love him, because I do but it feels too soon, for me anyway. I wanted to finish my degree. I wanted options in life. I wanted a few years of being a couple. I don't feel ready for this yet."

He steered me to the sofa and sat down and beckoned me too as well. "Look, life never goes to plan. These things happen. It could be much worse. He appears to be in a position that financially he can easily support you and a child. That usually is the number one worry for people and you can scrub that one out. You love him and he has made a commitment to you by getting engaged, so I think we can safely say he loves you too." Tony looked at me straight in the eye and patted my arm to comfort me.

"Athina, you believe he wants a child very much, so although not idea your child will be very much loved. You are a kind and thoughtful person, so I know with certainty you will be a good mother. Everything else will work itself out but you need to tell him. You are engaged, you are a couple, this is a decision you both need to make on what you do. I'm sorry love but in my eyes it's a joint decision when you make a commitment to each other, otherwise what's the point it's just worthless being together," Tony said full of conviction.

I dried the tears from my face, using both of my hands. I tried to regain my composure before I spoke, "Tony, he does love me, I know that and I do love him but it's early in our relationship. I don't feel ready to move in with him fully yet, let alone have a baby together. I know as soon as I tell him, he will want me to give up work immediately, there will be no choice, and I will be having this baby. I am not sure I want a baby yet." I rattled the last bit out in a rush, with almost relief.

"It seems to me you have two choices here," said Tony, "you either

decide to tell him the truth and see what he says and bear in mind he may surprise you love. Or and I'm not a fan of this course, if you decide that you don't want the baby, and you are sure he will oppose you, then you have to go it alone. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy but stay with him and keep it a secret and he finds out, you will have put the nail in the coffin on your relationship and I don't think realistically you will get away with hiding this from him."

Tony took my hand and held it in his, the warmness of his heart calming me, as he spoke. "Athina love, you are an independent woman. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do but you should discuss it with him before you make any decisions. Okay love. Come here, let me give you a hug okay, everything will work out, I promise Try not to worry," said Tony as he gave me a big hug, that comforted me like a warm friendly teddy bear and I felt safe and out of harm in his arms.

He released me and held my arms as he looked at my face and said "Do we have a deal then? You will tell him?" I nodded my agreement. "Remember the flat deal, should give all of us, including you, some financial security, don't forget that."

I nodded as I spoke, "that's why I don't want to, at this stage tell him about it, I just have a strange gut feeling, I am better to keep this private. At least if things don't work out with Jarod, I do have some money behind me, a bit of security."

Tony looked at me questionably, "do you think things won't work out then Athina?"

I looked at Tony evenly as I said to him, "honestly Tony, I have never had a long term relationship, so I can't compare what I have with Jarod with anything else, but I don't feel completely secure. Maybe it's me or maybe everyone feels that way. I just feel happier having the flat situation under the radar; it's my nest egg, my escape route if I ever need it."

Tony sighed as he looked at me "Look love, every relationship has its ups and its downs. There are good days and bad days. Most of us do not have the luxury of an escape route if we need it and that really shouldn't be the way to go into a relationship. You should be able to trust each other and be each others best friend as well as lovers. That's the way it should be in my book."

Maybe it was a bad idea, but I couldn't help myself but ask him, "so why are you are alone Tony, when you seem to have so much to give?"

Edit 3

So everyone.....what do you think? Is Athina...caught further in the web of Jarod's life....and what will Tony reveal...read on to find out more...

What should she do...answers in the comments below...I'd love to hear from you all.

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