Can't Let You Go

fifteen:

He tried to deepen the kiss more, but this time I did not let him. I pushed him softly while trying to distance myself from him as far as possible. That caught him off guard, kaya mabilis ko s'yang nailayo sa akin. Hindi n'ya inaasahan na sa gitna ng pagbigay ko sa mga halik n'ya ay magkakaroon pa ako ng lakas na itulak s'ya.

He was so surprised and confused that his mouth was just gaping at me unconsciously, "Wha--" He tried to say, but I cut him off by shaking my head.

"I know you wanted to prove a point, but that kiss was nothing. I don't love you anymore, we've long been over, and I won't stop repeating that until it sink in to you. I've moved on, you should too." I somberly said.

He shook his head urgently, as if trying to convince himself that what I said was nothing but a lie, "No!!! Don't say that. You still love me, Jer. You still do." He convinced himself, bago n'ya ako tinignan sa mga mata, "Kung hindi, you wouldn't kiss me back, I know you." He said full with conviction and confidence.

Napamaang ako sa sinabi n'ya, hindi pa rin ba malinaw ang lahat? "Don't you get it? I kissed you back just so you will stop. Just so I can prove to you that even if we kiss I won't feel anything to you anymore. Alam nating dalawa na wala akong laban sa'yo kahit pilitin ko pang manlaban, and the more I try to push you away the more you'll force yourself to me. So, I let you. And that kiss didn't mean anything. Pinagbigyan lang kita."

"But--" He stammered.

"Tristan, kung mahal pa kita I won't push you away. I won't even be able to push you from kissing me. You know how much I cannot resist you when I was still crazily in love with you. So please, just accept it. Hindi na kita mahal. Just move on, just like how I did."

He forcefully grabbed my arm while looking at me darkly, "And what? Let you be with Carlo? Jer, you know how selfish I am. Nagpaparaya lang ako dahil ayokong magalit ka sa akin, but you know what I'm capable of. You are pushing me to my limits, and I know you wouldn't want to see what I'll do if you don't come back to me. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. At handa akong gawin ang lahat bumalik ka lang sa akin. Lahat." He emphasized the word habang bumabaon ang daliri n'ya sa braso ko, "You are mine the moment I saw you, I know you are meant for me. I know, you will give me life. At simula nang araw na minahal mo ako, wala ka ng paraan para makabangon pa sa pagkakahulog mo sa akin. Mahal mo ako. Mahal mo pa rin ako--heart, body, and soul. Ilang beses mo mang ipilit sa sarili mo na hindi mo na ako mahal. Alam ng buong pagkatao mo, na ako lang ang mahal mo. Wala ng iba. Everything you have is already marked as mine. You are mine." Mariin at sigurado n'yang sabi sa akin.

Binitiwan n'ya ang braso ko bago n'ya ako tinalikuran saglit at bumaling sa akin, "I'll give you a few days, magpakasaya na kayo ng Carlo mo, dahil pinapahiram lang kita sa kanya, at sa oras na bawiin na kita sisiguraduhin ko na wala ng ibang hahawak sa'yo kung hindi ako. Hinding-hindi na ulit kita papakawalanFew days, and you either go back to me voluntarily, or I'll do everything to get you back." He stopped for a moment, before he threateningly said, "And when I say everything, I really mean E.VE.RY.THING., Jeraldine. So be prepared." Then he walked away towards his bed, leaving me in haze.

I don't wanna think about it so much, but I know Tristan. I know better than to ignore his threats. When he say them, he mean them--really mean them.

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limalec: Kapag umabot ng 150 votes mag-aupdate ako. Kapag hindi next week na ulit. :)