Can't Let You Go

thirty-eight:

He was holding my hand and touching my face while waiting for me to fall asleep. I am not used to this, but maybe I will. I am almost drifting off to sleep when I felt him stand up. Agad na napahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa kamay n'ya at biglang nawala ang antok na nararamdaman ko, "Saan ka pupunta?"

"I'll just make sure na wala ng manggugulo sa atin, then, I'll go to my room to rest..." Saglit s'yang huminto at gumuhit ang pagdadalawang-isip sa mukha n'ya bago s'ya napagdesisyunan na ituloy ang sasabihin n'ya, "Or... Would you like me to come back here and stay with you?" Agad s'yang nag-iwas ng tingin pagkatanong n'ya nun.

Nag-isip ako sandali at tinimbang ang sinabi n'ya, would I want him to stay beside me in this room with just the two of us? Bigla ay naalala ko ang pagsama n'ya sa akin sa pagtulog nang nasa US kami, and without any further hesitation I said yes, "Go down. Do whatever you need to do, but promise me that you'll come back here. With me."

His eyes sparkled with what I said and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips bago s'ya tumango at umalis, "As you wish, my princess." He said with a playful bow.

Nakatulog ako pagkatapos nun at naalimpungatan lang ako nang naramdaman ko ang paglubog ng kama sa tabi ko. Instinctively, I snuggled to him and though his muscles tensed up for a moment I felt him relax almost immediately as if in relief.

I felt him kiss my hair before gently whispering, "I love you. You're worth all the hurt I've been through, my Jeraldine."

Nang magising ako kinabukasan ay ramdam ko ang bigat ng mga brasong nakapulot sa akin at ang init ng katawan na nakayakap sa akin. Tumingala ako para tignan ang taong parang ayaw na akong pakawalan at nakita ko ang mapayapa'ng mukha ni Tristan habang natutulog.

I stopped in awe for a moment before my senses knocked back at me and I realized that this shouldn't be happening. I tried to remove his arm on me pero mas hinigpitan n'ya lang ang pagkakahawak sa akin habang mas isinisiksik ang mukha sa leeg ko.

His lips brushed that sensitive part on my neck and my breath hitched. Agad ko s'yang itinulak at mabilis akong tumayo para i-compose ang sarili. He groaned at what I did but I just ignored him as I was busy composing myself.

Mukhang nagising na s'ya ng tuluyan dahil narinig ko ang pagdaing n'ya dahil sa sikat ng araw na sumisilaw sa kanya, "Jer? Ugh..." He groaned again, "Are you okay?"

I blushed profusely with his question remembering how I felt when his lips brushed my neck. I suddenly felt hot yet cold at the same time with my nervousness, "I...uh...I'm okay." Mabilis kong pagsasalita nang hindi s'ya nililingon bago ako mabilis na naglakad papuntang bathroom.

Binasa ko ng malamig na tubig ang mukha ko hanggang sa matauhan ako. No. Hindi 'to pwede. Kahit mag-asawa kami hindi pa din 'to pwede. Sa papel lang kami kasal. Our marriage is not real--but it is. It is legal, genuine, and authentic. He gave his consent and so did I. We're married. But we can't do this. I shouldn't let it.

He walked towards me when I got out off the bathroom at agad n'yang ikinulong sa dalawang kamay n'ya ang mga pisngi ko, "You sure you're okay?" He asked full of concern.

I suddenly can't look straight in his eyes kaya tumango lang ako habang nakatingin sa baba. Agad na ikinakunot ng noo n'ya ang pagsagot ko pero pilit kong winala ang nangyari, "I-I'm hungry. Bababa na ko." Tapos ay mabilis akong umalis sa harap n'ya.

I can't get the feeling of his mouth on my neck. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng labi n'ya doon kahit na pilit ko iyong winawala.

I cooked breakfast for the two of us at nung naluto na yon ay napagdesisyunan ko na puntahan na s'ya sa kwarto para sunduin, but what I saw almost made my jaw drop. He was topless and droplets of water are dripping from his hair. Nakatalikod s'ya sa akin at kitang-kita ko ang pagfeflex ng muscle n'ya sa bawat paggalaw nito. His looking for his clothes at mukhang natatagalan s'ya sa pagpili. Bigla s'yang humarap hawak ang damit sa harap n'ya at agad n'yang nahuli ang mga mata kong kanina pa nakatingin sa kanya. He froze when he saw me and tension covered us. I tried to wave it off but before I could he's already centimeters away from me.

His eyes held mine and no matter how hard I try to look away I can't. His eyes went down on my lips and I can't help but bite my lip in nervousness. I instinctively copied his move and saw how red his agape lips are. His breathing are shallow and ragged and I realized that I am breathing the same way.

I swallowed but before I could I already gasped as his hot lips touched mine. His kisses were gentle yet hot and thorough as if showing how much he missed me. I found myself kissing back and before I could stop myself I'm already pulling his hair to get him closer to me. My hands went down his back--hugging him--and his kiss became more fervent. He licked my lower lip seeking for entrance and I let him in, he explored my mouth using his skillful tongue and I can't help myself but moan.

His kisses went down my neck and that drove me crazy. My nails scratched his back and he groaned--not sure if in pain or in pleasure--as he continue kissing me. His hands went down until it is almost on my breast, when the door bell rang.

I suddenly broke away from him ngunit tila wala s'yang balak na pakawalan ako dahil mas hinila n'ya lang ako palapit sa kanya. He gently tried to kiss me again but hesitation took over me and this time I did not respond. He was giving me open-mouthed kisses when the door suddenly flung open and a shock face of a sophisticated old woman followed by the face of a beautiful woman I am more than familiar entered the room, stopping Tristan from what he was doing.

Fritzie. She's back.