Can't Let You Go

seventeen:

Agad kong hinanap ang supervisor ko para magpaalam. My mom needs me. I need to be there. Kaya nang binigyan ako ng approval ng supervisor ko ay agad na kong umalis para magpaalam. I am in panic, I do not know what to do. Ang alam ko lang kailangan ako ni mama kaya kailangan ko ng pumunta doon.

Mabilis kong nakita si Madj sa labas ng ER dahil sa paulit-ulit n'yang pagtayo at paglalakad. Halata ang kaba at takot sa kilos n'ya na naging dahilan para mas lalo akong manghina. She's shocked, I know she is.

"Madj..." I called.

Mabilis s'yang tumakbo palapit sa akin bago ako yakapin ng mahigpit, "Jer... I'm sorry." She said while crying so hard.

Hindi ko na napigilan at pati ako ay napaiyak na rin, "It's okay, Madj. Everything's gonna be okay. Malakas si mama, kaya n'ya 'to. 'Wag kang mag-alala."

I led her to the chair in the waiting area habang inaalo ko s'ya. Kung hindi lang siguro ganito ang nararamdaman ko ay pagtatawanan ko s'ya, dahil kung titignan ay parang mas apektado pa s'ya. Pero hindi ko din s'ya masisisi, dahil alam ko na parang totoong nanay n'ya na rin ang turing n'ya sa nanay ko. She loves my mom so much, na may mga oras noon na nagseselos na ako sa closeness nila. But I can't blame her, she has a rough life and she finds comfort in us, especially my mom.

I remember how we were back then, masaya ako kahit s'ya lang ang kaibigan ko, at alam kong ganun din s'ya sa akin. We were so happy and contented with each other. I know everything about her--how her days went and how she expects it to go--and she knows everything about me as well. She is most happy when she's at home, kasi para sa kanya doon lang n'ya nararamdaman ang masayang pamilya. She treated our home as hers as well, and I'm okay with that, because Madj is my sister--my sister that I never had.

Kailan nga ba nagsimula na mawala sa amin ang isa't isa? Kailan ko nga ba s'ya huling nakausap at nakamusta? She's mad at me, I know she is, and I can't really blame her dahil nung pumuta ako sa Florida hindi ko na s'ya na-contact simula noon. I tried to forget everything that's connected to Tristan, including her. Tinalikuran ko s'ya. I hurt her--my bestfriend. The only person who loved me sincerely.    

She's sobbing immensely at wala akong magawa kung hindi ang yakapin s'ya, "It's okay. Kaya 'yan ni mama. Don't worry." I comforted her though I myself needs to be comforted.

"I... I didn't know what to do. Seeing her like that, almost lifeless. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin, Jer." She hysterically told me.

Hinimas ko ang kanyang likod bago ko sabihin ang tanging mga salitang pwede kong sabihin, "I know."   

A doctor came out of the ER looking serious and grim, "Miss Vizconde?" He addressed me.

I rose up to my feet because of the intensity of seriousness in his voice, "Po?" I asked, my voice shaking terribly.

"I need to speak to you in private." Sabi n'ya bago saglit na tumingin kay Madj.

I nodded my head before following him. I glanced at Madj and saw how sullen she looks. 

"Please take a seat." The doctor said when we entered his office. I took the seat in front of him while waiting for what he is about to say, "Your mom is in need of an operation, at tatapatin na kita hindi biro ang halaga ng operasyon para sa mama mo. She needs to undergo bypass operation as soon as possible, kung hindi baka hindi n'ya kayanin."

I don't know if I was just hearing things, pero sana hindi totoo ang lahat ng ito. "Po?"

He nodded grimly, "It is possible that your mom won't make it. The risk is so big, I cannot make any promise to you about her safety."

I felt my world stop for a moment before everything in it shattered fast. Why is this happening to me?  

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limalec: Nakalimutan kong lagyan. 150 votes ah, para mabilis update. :)