Can't Let You Go

twenty-one:

"A-anong ginagawa mo dito?" Nauutal n'yang tanong bago bumalik ang composure n'ya at ngumisi sa akin.

Tinaasan ko s'ya ng kilay, I know that he knows why I am here at bullshit s'ya hindi ko hahayaan ang mga pinaggagagawa n'ya sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin, "I need to talk to you." Mataray kong sagot sa kanya.

His eyes shone and I can literally see amusement in it, inilahad n'ya ang kamay n'ya papasok sa pinto na parang wine-welcome ako habang nakatabi s'ya sa gilid nun, "Of course, whatever you wish, my princess."

I felt my body tingle and I trembled for a moment habang humahakbang papasok sa opisina n'ya before I catch myself. I glanced at his secretary and she was so dumbfounded na naiwan na lang s'yang nakakanganga doon bago ako pumasok sa opisina ni Tristan.

His office is big and he has the greatest view of the city. May malaki s'yang bookshelf sa gilid at may mga pinto sa loob ng opisina n'ya. His office is nice, clean, and very organized. Nang umupo s'ya sa upuang nakalaan sa kanya ay naisip ko kung gaano na kalaki ang nagbago, we are not the same anymore. He learned to embrace everything around him and use it to his advantage, hindi na s'ya kagaya ng dati na kinamumuhian at pilit nilalayuan ang yaman at pangalan n'ya. Samantalang ako, natuto akong maging matatag, natuto akong mahalin ang sarili ko, at natuto akong kalimutan ang pagmamahal at pag-ikot ng mundo ko sa kanya. We made this far, many things have changed, pero sa huli paulit-ulit lang kaming bumabalik sa ganito. Bakit ba n'ya kasi pinipilit na ibalik sa dati ang lahat?

Tinitigan n'ya ako ng matagal na parang kinakabisa n'ya ang mukha ko habang inoobserbahan n'ya ang kilos ko, "What can I do for you, Ms. Vizconde? Napagod ka na ba kakatakbo kaya heto at kusa ka ng bumabalik sa akin?" Natatawang sabi n'ya sa akin.

Inirapan ko s'ya tsaka ko s'ya sininghalan, "Bumabalik? Asa ka pa!" Saglit akong huminto sa pagsasalita bago ako taas kilay na nagsalita, "You know exactly why I'm here. Kaya 'wag ka ng magmaangmaangan pa! You are ruining my life. You're messing up with my life, ano ba talagang problema mo? HA? Bakit ba ayaw mo akong patahimikin? Ikaw ag dahilan kung bakit nagkakaproblema ang kumpanya nila Carlo, ikaw din ang dahilan kung bakit bigla na lang nawalan ng trabaho si kuya, at kung bakit inatake si mama, ano pa bang gusto mo? Hindi pa ba sapat ang pagsira mo sa akin noon? Nasaan ba si Fritzie at bakit hindi na lang s'ya ang guluhin mo?"

I saw a flash of guilt nang nabanggit ko si mama, pero agad din iyong nawala. Itinindig n'ya ang katawan n'ya tsaka s'ya tumikhim bago magsalita, "Fritzie is gone. Matagal na s'yang wala sa buhay ko--sa buhay natin. She was never meant to stay, she just passed by our lives kaya 'wag mo na s'yang intindihin. Ang mahalaga tayo. It is us who is supposed to stay in each other's life--hindi si Fritzie at hindi din si Carlo. Pareho sila, dadaan lang sila pero sa huli tayo pa rin."

Napasinghal ako sa sinasabi n'ya, "Tristan, can you hear yourself?" 'Di makapaniwalang sabi ko, "Hindi na pwedeng mangyari ang sinasabi mo dahil matagal ng wala tayo."

Natigilan s'ya at napayuko, "Maybe. Maybe for you wala ng tayo, pero ako, naniniwala pa rin ako na tayo pa rin sa huli. Mahal kita, Jer. Mahal na mahal. If you just stayed... If you just gave me another chance... If you just let me explain... Things would've been different."

Umiling ako, "No, Tristan. Kung anuman ang nangyari noon, iyon ang nararapat. We are bad for each other, we are toxic for each other, we are never meant to stay together. Kaya itigil mo na." I firmly stated tsaka ako saglit na huminto para maabsorb n'ya ang sinasabi ko, "I don't know what happened to Fritzie at hindi ko alam kung gusto ko pa bang malaman, dahil kahit ano namang nangyari e tapos na iyon. She was a vital element in our breakup and somehow I thank her for that. Because of her I realized how we bring the worst in each other. I realized that we are never meant to stay in each other's life. Tayo ang dadaan lang sa buhay ng isa't isa, hindi sila." I sadly stated.

I looked deeply into his eyes, trying to take a glimpse of the missing man I deeply loved before I say my goodbye. I found him, trying to mask himself as the cold-blooded man in front of me, but when he saw me he revealed himself, "I love you, Jer. Don't leave me, please..." He pleaded. And I felt my heart ache.

I shook my head, before I gently touched his face, "Forget about me, Tristan. Move on. We're not meant to be together, we are bad for each other... Goodbye. Then I dropped my hand and turn my back from him. 

I was about to leave when he spoke, "Leave, and I'll continue to be bad--I'll be the worst and I'll bring the worst in all the people you love, I promise. And you know me, Jer, I never break my promise. I'll be in hell when you leave me, but I'll drag them with me. Their fate is in your hand."

Mabilis akong napaharap sa kanya na may takot at disgusto sa mukha, "Your pathetic!"

"I probably am, but I'll do whatever I can just to get you back. Just one more time. Last chance to prove to you that we're meant to be together. That it will still be Tristan and Jeraldine in the end, no matter how hard it is for us now. Just one chance and if it don't work, I;ll stop. I won't bug you anymore and I'll let you be happy with any person you want to be. Just please, give me a chance. I promise I won't mess this up."

Last chance. Just one more. If it won't work he'll stop. 

"Fine. Last chance. I'll give you one last chance and after that we're done. Just one, and if you mess up you won't bother me again." 

He nodded with pure determination in his eyes as if he is saying he understands while he is calculating his next move, "Marry me, Jer. This is the chance that I am asking. Marry me."

And I stood there frozen with his words ringing in my ears.

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limalec: Sa mga nagrerequest ng mas mahaba, here na po. Mas mahaba na po 'to compared sa mga recent update ko. 150 votes po ulit, alright? Sa mga nagvote, thank you po! Umabot po tayo ng 150. Yehey!