hoodie || nh au

Seven

I texted Josh and Luke to meet me at my locker after school earlier, which is now. They need to explain everything to me. Everything is so complicated. Everything is going to be weird between us, when they're really together. Luke said he'd never be gay and Josh said he didn't like my brother in that way. I couldn't concentrate today. My Math teacher even held me back and asked me, if everything was okay. I told him that I was okay and said I didn't sleep that much last night. Niall ignored me the whole day. I don't care anymore.

Of course you care, Alex. That's why I'm here. Other opinions make you beautiful.

When he decides to be a bitch, he can be a bitch. It's not my problem. I can live without him. I'll need to get over him and try to lose some weight because I look pretty fat again. Then I'll find someone. I see Luke and Josh coming towards me. They both have their heads hanging low. I see a bruise forming on Luke's face. Someone from his team probably hit him. They stop right in front of me. I put my hands in my hoodie pocket. My IPod still lays there with my earphones. Luke raises his head as first. His eyes find mine.

"We're sorry, Alex, but we can explain everything to you", he says.

I nod and motion for him to continue talking.

"So, let's just start at the beginning", Josh starts talking, "We were at a party one year ago and we were drunk. Luke looked so good that day. We went to someones room, so we could be alone. I told him that I had a crush on him for a long time and he said he did have a crush on me, too. Then he kissed me and yeah..."

Typical, getting drunk and then commiting their love to each other. It's like in the books.

"And it all started a year ago? You kept it from me for a whole year?", I question, tears forming in my eyes.

"Yes, and we know that it was wrong not to tell you anything about it. We're really sorry", Luke speaks.

"It's okay. I accept it. I need to go somewhere", I say and turn around, sticking my earphones in my ears and blasting some Suicide Silence.

To be honest, I am really pissed that Luke didn't tell me he was gay and that they both lied square in my face for a whole goddamn year. But what am I supposed to be mad about? I don't matter anyway. I could just disapear and no one would truly miss me. I need to get my mood up a little again and I know exactly where to go. I find my feet carry me to the old abdonned house. It's owners died and didn't have children or anyone they could give the house. The city couldn't sell the house because no one wanted it. I think it's pretty cool. There are no neighbours, so I can be here whenever I want to. The nearest house is about ten minutes away. I throw my bag over the fence and climb over it, too. The house actually is really nice. I enter the house. The furniture is dirty, as always. I climb up onto a cupboard and pull myself up the hole in the roof. I'm on the side Niall showed me. The woods on this side are prettier than the dead trees on the other side. I sit down where I sat the last time. My bag lays next to me where Niall sat. I need to post something. The picture I take is my bag and in the backround the woods. Again, I put a black and white filter on.

"Diets can help but also destroy you."
-> I can't do this anymore. The only two people I trust lied to me. I need a break. It's only Tuesday...

I post it and look at the trees. A small chickadee sits on a branch. I love chickadee's so much. The life as a bird must be easy. When things get too crazy, they can just fly away. It's easy for them. The only thing we can do is either fight or die. And yes, I mean die. People kill themselves when they can't do it anymore.

"Alex?", someone shouts.

I jump and rip my earphones from my ears. My head turns automaticly. Niall pushes my bag away and sits on the spot he sat last time. He's wearing the same hoodie as me. It's colder today.

"Sorry for scaring you", he chuckles.

I put my earphones back in and ignore Niall. Bring Me The Horizon play their song True friends. I feel like crying and I do. I cry in front of Niall while ignoring him. I'm such a loser. Am I that untrustable? Luke is my twin. We do everything together and tell each other everything. Josh and I are friends longer than kindergarden. They kept it secret for a year! A fucking whole year! I feel more tears run down my face. They drop onto my black jeans and leave darker stains. I don't sob or anything, I just let the tears fall. Thank god I don't like makeup and don't use it that much. Suddenly I feel someone pull down my hood and lay an arm around my shoulders. He smells like mint. I like it. I leave my head hanging. Niall takes my IPod from me and changes the song to Human by Christina Perri. I don't know why I have this song on my IPod. Probably from when I was younger.

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human.

I feel more tears fall. Why can't Luke see that it hurts me when he doesn't trust me? I would've accepted it and probably would've helped them come out. At least they're happy now. Niall changes the song again, realizing it was a bad choice to play this song. I only have sad songs on my IPod. He plugs out my earphones and plugs them into his phone. He turns on his music and Ride by Twenty One Pilots starts playing. This is a great song. I used to listen to them before I started on the harder stuff. Tears still run down my face. I'm still mad and sad but it's getting better. After the song, I take the earphones out and look at Niall. He's looking back at the woods. I whipe a few tears away and tap his shoulder. He turns around immideatly.

"Why are you here?", I ask him, my voice quiet and raspy.

Tears continue running down my face. He shrugs.

"I thought you'd come here after school. Whoever did it deserves a huge slap in the face", he tells me.

I nod and shake his arm off of my shoulders.

He can feel your fat shoulders.

I lay down on my back and feel the tears run into my ears. Niall stares at me. A bird flies in the sky. Why can't I be a bird? More tears run down my face again.

"Do you know who did it?", I ask.

"Could be", he mumbles.

I look at him. He stares down at his legs.

"Niall? Who did it?", I ask.

He looks back at me. I sit up and slide away from him a little.

"Miranda and...", he starts.

"Who, Niall?", I get louder.

He needs to tell me. I'm going to kill them and then burry their bodies in the woods. He shakes his head.

"Me."

My mouth opens up slightly. He did it?! He ruined my relationship to Josh and Luke with this action!