hoodie || nh au

Eighteen

Niall and I sit down next to each other around the fire. He has his guitar with him again. I like to sing around the campfire. Before I was anorexic, my family went on yearly camping trips. We gave that up when it got worse with my anorexia. I loved swimming in the lake, singing at the camfire and playing with the kids that were there, too. It was so nice.

"Let's sing some songs like every year. I can play anything you want", Niall smiles at everyone.

Luke tells him to play something from Ed Sheeran. Miranda wants to sing "Over the Rainbow". Sam and Josh would love to sing the Spongebob Squarepants camfire song. We all laugh at that.

"Do you have any suggestions?", Niall asks me with a huge smile on his face.

Little Things or 18 or AM by that boy band.

"My music taste can't be played with an accustic guitar. I'm sorry", I explain.

"You have to have a different song in mind", he smirks.

Yes.

"No."

"Come on, birdy. I know it. I can see it in your eyes", Niall says quietly.

I just shrug. He really wants to know it.

"Maybe some boy band song or Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood", I mumble.

He smiles aprovingly. I blush and hide my hands between my legs. He bumps into my shoulder lightly. I smile at the ground. Luke throws me a knowing look and winks. I stick my tounge out slightly and then hear Niall struming a few chords. Josh squeals just like Miranda, as they recognize that song.

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, just like you wanted.

I listen to everyone sing. It's impressing how happy everyone is. I love it. I know that I'm not as happy as them but that's my problem. They don't have to worry about it. It's just a thing for me to take care of. I love being single because I'm carefree but on the other hand I want to have a boyfriend because I want someone to take care of me and help me with my anorexia. Niall is doing it now but who will do it when I'm not at school with him anymore. Luke and Josh will go to different schools, too. We're growing up. Soon we're all married and have kids. Okay, not that soon but soon enough. I don't know, if I can do this on my own.

"It's too cold for you here and now, so let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater", I sing along.

We sing through the songs. Miranda and Sam actually hid their hands in their sweater holes during the song, making it all cheesy for us. I feel my hands trembling, as Niall lays down his guitar, brushing my arm with his. So cliché, damn. My life really could be made into a book. I lay a strand of hair behind my ear, trying not to make my hands shake too much. Niall doesn't have to notice or he'll think I'm cold which I actually am because I don't have a clean hoodie anymore and I am sitting outside in a t-shirt. I'm wearing some band shirt I stole from Luke. He didn't even notice it was missing.

"So, where are you guys going after high school?", Niall asks.

My brother is the first to speak. He has it the easiest. He's always been the creative person in our family.

"I'm going to study Architecture", he tells Niall.

"I'm going to college around here. I just want to do something with medicine. Maybe just a doctor or something", Josh smiles.

He always wanted to be a doctor. It's so cute. His dream is probably coming true. Miranda is the next to talk. Her answer surprises me.

"I'm going to San Francisco to do psychology."

I give her an impressed smile and turn to Sam. I have no clue what I'm going to tell them. That I have no clue what I want to do? Probably.

"I'm going to Los Angeles to do something with the movie industry. I'm good with technology, so I'll just to that. What about you, Niall?", Sam asks.

Niall looks at the fire quickly before shaking his head. His parents are rich. He will take over the company of his parents, I know it.

"I'll take my parents business but I actually don't want to. I have no choice. I'd love to take it but I know it's not the right thing for me to do", Niall explains.

"I'm sure you'll love it when you first start", Luke tells him.

I agree. The others do, too. Then everyone looks at me. What am I going to say?

"I don't know."

Really, that moment I knew I fucked up. Everyone just stares at me weirdly. I feel my cheeks heat up. The red colour a deep shade.

"What? You don't know?", Miranda asks.

Their eyes bore into my body. I feel my hands shaking more again, not only because it's cold and that Niall's sitting next to me. The truth overcomes me. Everyone knows what to do with their life exept me. I take a deep breath.

"Yes."

Niall's hand finds mine laying on the log. He presses it quickly. I never really thought about what to do with my life. That's quite embaressing. I actually thought about working as a secretary or a personal assistant but I don't know about that one yet.

"You'll find something you like and if not, Mom and Dad will help you find a job, Alex", Luke says.

I nod and look at my legs. The fire is the only sound we can hear. No one talks, so Niall takes his guitar and plays some song. I just mumble the words to myself. They all probably think I'm a failure. It's pretty sad not to know what I want to do after High School. Niall stops playing again, laying his hand back on my hand. I feel like crying, just like always. And I'm probably going to cry this time.

"Let's take a short walk, Alex", Niall says.

He gets up, giving me his hand. I take it and let him pull me up. We walk towards the woods. His hand is warm against mine, like always. I shiver at the cold nipping at my skin. The warmth of his hand not making it better.

"Here, take this", Niall says, letting go of my hand and pulling his hoodie over his head.

"No, you're going to freeze", I deny the hoodie due to his t-shirt underneath it.

"It's warm, Alex. You are the one going to freeze", he explains.

I take the hoodie and throw it over my t-shirt. It smells like mint, just like Niall and a touch of firewood. I try not to make it too obvious but I take a deep breath once in a while. Niall and I sit down somewhere on a log. Why are we actually here?

"Alex, as you know, I'm a guy with a lot of money and you are a girl that needs a job. So, I'd like to offer you to have a talk with my parents to aply for a job in their company. Luke told me you'd love to be a secretary or personal assistant, so I thought that you could maybe ask my parents to employ you", Niall tells me.

I just nod and stare at the fire from afar. Life is going to be a bitch after High School. I can already tell. Niall's offer sounds good and I'll still have some friends with me after High School. I just hope Niall's parents aren't stuck up rich people, who don't employ broke people. I just need a job. College isn't really my thing.

"Let's go back", Niall says.

I nod and we go back to the others. They all are talking about some teachers. Miranda and Josh are talking about their Chemistry teacher. I sure have to say he's pretty cool and he looks like an older version of Liam Hemsworth.

"He's really hot", Josh laughs.

"Yeah, I love his eyes, man", Miranda tells him.

Niall and I sit down silently. Luke is looking at me questioning. I just shake my head. This is a thing I need to deal with myself. We continue singing together. I love these people.