hoodie || nh au

Thirty-three

My window is opened while I lay on my bed, trying not to think about what happened with Liam and Niall. Let's just hope they don't cross my path the next two days. I will cry again. I can't sleep. Dreams of Niall hitting me like Liam did creep up on me. I hate it. I know that Niall would never do some kind of stuff like that but somehow my brain says he would. It's just surreal. I turned my phone off and didn't go outside my room one more time. I'm just too scared to see Luke. It's Saturday tomorrow. I'll just lay in my bed and watch some Netflix. Maybe I'll binge watch the latest season of The Walking Dead. I open my ponytail and tie a new one. My hoodie is one I stole from Luke a few weeks ago with the black and white Jack&Jones logo. It's comfy. I lost another seven pounds since I last weighed myself. It feels good to lose weight. My waist is thinner now and my theigh gap is bigger. I like it but a few more pounds could get lost. I still have a fat stomach. Suddenly I hear the door downstairs being opened and two male voices apear. They sound happy. Good that Luke's having a great time with his friends. I open my room door and take a quick look outside to see Niall and Luke standing at the stairs. My hand locks around the doorknob. I shut my door quickly and get into my bed, not to make it more obvious that it already is.

"Alex, can I come in?", Luke asks.

"Yeah", I say quietly but just loud enough for him to hear.

The door opens with a small squeak. I cover my hands with my sleeves and hold my legs pressed tightly to my chest. Luke apears next to my bed.

"Niall's here and he would like to talk to you. Do you want to? I figured that you maybe wouldn't want to talk to anyone. So?", he asks carefully.

"Just send him up", I whisper and lay my head on my knees.

Luke leaves the room again. Niall enters the room soon. I look at him for a few seconds before I slide to the side, so he can sit down next to me. He does, as I intended, taking his shoes off in the process. My eyes wander from the wall back to Niall's feet.

"Are you okay?", he asks.

I shrug, holding my sleeves in my hands. Niall lays his arm around my shoulders. My eyes wander to his hand on my arm. A new tattoo is on his hand. The plastic foil is still on his hand and the skin around the tattoo is still red. It's a small crown at the spot where the thumb and rest of the hand meet.

"Who was that guy?", Niall asks quietly, pulling me towards him a little closer.

I gulp down the knot forming in my throat. My eyes look down at his legs.

"That was my ex boyfriend Liam", I whisper, taking a deep breath afterwards.

Niall huffs quickly, pressing my head to his shoulder soothingly. I feel tears in my eyes. Liam is such an idiot. Just because I broke up with him and told everything his parents, he's trying to make me feel bad. I get up from my bed, shaking Niall's arm off of my shoulders.

"He came back?", Niall says surprised.

"Yeah", I gulp.

My feet carry me to my desk. I open a drawer, getting out an old picture album. Niall gives me a weird look.

"Just some pictures I need to show you. I trust you, Niall. You are the third person to see these pictures. Josh or I took them after Liam let his aggressions out on me. We kind of documented everything, if it ever came to a court meeting. Just look through it. There are also a few pictures of Liam and I in there", I explain and throw the album at him.

He takes it and opens the first pages. His nose scrunches up, the further he goes into the book. I sit down at his feet and watch him look through the pictures. He holds up a picture of me when Liam had a really bad day. My whole stomach is blue, my legs have several blue spots and my eye carries a blue bruise as well. A huge cut is on my lip and one on my eyebrow.

"He did that to you?", he asks shocked.

I nod. He goes back to the first page and looks through again.

"I can see how skinny you got. That's really scary. Now you're even skinnier than in these pictures", Niall states, laying the book down on my bedside table.

I nod, trying to hold the tears back in. My hands fiddle with my sleeves. I'm so nervous around people the whole time. Maybe it's just because I'm so scared they will hurt me.

"How much do you weigh, birdy? I'm really concerned about you."

He just wants to make fun of you.

I shake my head and don't look at him. I'm not going to tell him. It's none of his business. My eyes stay trained on Niall's feet.

"Alexandra?", Niall gritts his teeth.

I look up at him. His eyes glare at me quickly before softening and sliding closer to me. He lays his hand on my cheek. Niall is one of my best friends. He has to know.

"81 pounds", I whisper.

Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

Niall's jaw drops in shock. I push his hand from my face and wait for him to say something, anything. Just please don't say something.

"What?", he asks quietly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you, Niall. Please don't hurt me now", I wimper.

"Why should I hurt you?", he asks.

"Liam always did when I weighed too much. Just don't leave me", I mumble.

He pulls me to him by my arms, keeping me in a long and warm hug. I need to start eating again.

"I would never hurt you, birdy. You're my birdy. Never would I hurt my birdy. My birdy is so sensitive but stormy and wild but the sensitivity is too big", Niall whispers in my ear.

I nod and let some tears fall on his shirt. My hands are shaky again. Niall's breathing and heart beat calm me down. When this moment could be forever, I'd keep it like this forever. Niall kisses my cheek softly before brushing some strands of hair behind my ear. My ponytail is falling appart.

"We can do this together, birdy. I will make you normal again", he smiles.

Let's just hope it'll work.