hoodie || nh au

Nineteen

Niall smiles at me. The fire got pretty small. The others went to bed again. I just don't want this day to end. This moment has to last forever. I won't get this another time. School's going to stress us out again and we won't be able to come here again until the year is over. We'll all seperate after this year. Maybe Niall and I can still be friends when his parents employ me. An apprenticeship would be amazing.

"So, my parents said that you could come by tomorrow night for dinner. They want to talk to you about the job", Niall tells me.

"Really? It's only September. We still have time until June", I say.

"Yes, but they have a lot of girls applying to the job. I want you to get it because I don't want to lose you as a friend", he explains.

I smile slightly and look back down at my hands. So Niall sees it like me, too. He lays his arm around my waist and pulls me to his body.

"I'm so happy that we're friends", Niall smiles.

I nod and slide away from Niall a little. He takes a water bottle. I hope he just wants to drink something but he pours it over the fire. Niall helps me up from the log. We go back to the house. I don't want to go to sleep or just lay in the bed. Maybe I can take a swim when Niall's sleeping. The lake seems warm, even at night. Miranda gave me her bikini. She told me that I can keep it. I really think she's okay.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?", Niall suddenly asks, as we enter our room.

Why is he asking?

"No, why?", I question.

"Because you gave me a really mean look. Maybe you don't want to sleep in a bed with me now", he explains.

"I just looked at you like that because I was thinking."

"Oh, okay."

I take my sleeping clothes and dig through my pile of clothes until I find the bikini. Niall's in the bathroom, so I quickly change into my stuff. As soon as Niall comes back, I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. He doesn't have to suspect anything. I want to be by myself and relax a little. Niall already lays on his side of the bed. I lay down on my side. My phone lays on the bedside table. I didn't look on it since this morning, so I unlock the screen. My Instagram is blasting from comments and likes. A few people tagged me in Niall's picture and commented that they think it's cute. I see that Miranda tagged me in a picture. We took a selfie at the fire. I like it and comment something.

We should do this more often :)

I lock my phone and hear a slight snore beside me. He fell asleep. I take a towel and take off the shirt and sleeping shorts quietly. Then I sneak to the door. It squeaks quietly, as I open it. Niall doesn't even move a muscle. I sneak down the stairs. The steps squeak slightly, too. I open the door to the jetty. The light from the fairylights makes the jetty look magical. We were too lazy to hang them off, so we let them on. I'll take them down tomorrow morning before we leave. I lay my towel down on the jetty and sit down at the edge, letting my feet dangle in the water. It's pretty warm. I glide into the water and swim a few rounds. I forgot how relaxing swimming is. As soon as I feel like I need a break, I pull myself onto the jetty. The moon shines brightly in the middle of the sky. I wrap my towel around me. Just as I decide to lay down and look at the night sky, someone sits down next to me. I jump and look beside me. Niall's blue eyes watch me. He laughs slightly.

"What are you doing out here?", Niall asks.

Just then I see that he's wearing nothing but swim shorts. What is he doing here?

"I just wanted to take a swim. And you?", I question.

"I heard you go out of the room and I looked out the window and saw you swimming, so I said I'd give you some company", he explains himself.

I nod and wrap the towel around my body more, so Niall doesn't see my body. Niall jumps into the water, making water splash onto me a little. As soon as Niall dives back up, he has a huge grin on his face. I flip him off. He laughs. His laugh makes me smile.

"Come in, Alex", he says.

I shake my head and feel my heart racing. I'm not ready to show him my body, even though it's normal for other people. My hands start shaking. I need something to wear over my bikini. I already feel the anxiety taking over my mind. What if he thinks I'm gross? I'm so boney. My ribbs are showing really bad and my collarbones are pretty prominent. I'm not a fan of my body. If I was only 30 pounds heavier I'd be fine with showing my body.

"Alex, I know how skinny you are. Just come in and swim with me", Niall pleads, getting out of the water.

I stand up and hide my body with the towel. Thank god it's big enough. I reach the door to the house soon but then I feel Niall rip the towel away from me. He spins me around. His eyes lay on my face. I try to take back my towel but fail miserably. Niall holds it behind him.

"Wow, you're really skinny", Niall comments.

I look at his face. His eyes are trained on my stomach. He has his lips pulled into a frown.

"That's why I don't like showing people my body. They all just stare at me and try to take everything in. My body is laid out on a sliver plate for everyone to look at. I hate it, Niall", I tell him.

His eyes find mine soon, so he takes a few steps towards me. I look at the ground. Niall takes my face in his left hand. His hands are soft against my cheek. The tattoos on his chest take my attention. My eyes lay on the owl. Just in this moment, I realize it's not only an owl. The owl has a chickadee hidden under it's wing. That is a cute tattoo. Niall tries to push my head up to make me look at him but I just ignore it and keep my head hanging low.

"Alex, you are beautiful, okay? You just have to gain some more weight. Then you'll be normal again. You can do it", he whispers.

I look up at Niall. He has a smile on his lips. My hand reaches for the towel. Niall actually gives it to me. I wrap it around my body again. The wet hair sticks to my face. My ponytail fell apart while swimming. I turn around and enter the house. Niall stays outside. I go to our room and take my sleeping stuff and some underwear. I change quickly. As I go back to the room, Niall still isn't there. He's probably just taking a swim. I check the clock.

2:15am

I sit down on the bed with my back against the headboard. My hair is still wet. I'm just going to wait until it's dry and then go to bed. I take my phone and see that Luke send me a picture. It's a picture of Niall and me sitting at the campfire, singing. Niall's eyes are trained on me. He has a smile on his lips while singing. My eyes are placed on the fire. I thought Luke and Josh just took a selfie. We were singing 18 in that moment. I read the text message Luke wrote to it.

Luke: If you guys don't confess your liking to each other I'll do it. I swear.

I decide not to text back. Luke and I both know that he will do it. He's pretty confident, not as insecure as me. I open my Instagram and scroll through the pictures. I started following more people from school and stars and some recovery pages. A lot of people posted party pictures from last night. Hardin is on a few. I scroll past them with a bad feeling in my stomach. That night was pretty bad. Just as I lock my phone, Niall enters the room.