hoodie || nh au

Fourty-one

My hands tremble, as I wake up, seeing a half naked Niall laying next to me. I look down at myself and see that I only have a bra and underwear on. We really had sex yesterday. It was amazing but also the worst thing ever. Everything is going to be all awkward now. I feel my legs wobble slightly, as I want to get up to make my way over to the clothes pile we made yesterday. I get on my stuff and lay Niall's down next to his bedside. Why did we do this? It was all just the alcohol. I can't tell Niall that I wanted it and am in love with him. That's really a problem. Maybe he forgot about it or won't mention it to me. I sneak out of the room but before I can leave, a slight groan is heard behind me. My head turns to Niall. He just turned around in his sleep. I walk off quickly but step into something. It's squishy under my foot and it's kinda warm actually. I look down to my feet. The gag stays back, as I get off of the used and tied up condom. That was gross. At least we used protection. I make my way downstairs quickly. My eyes wander around the room, searching for my phone. I know that I left it down here before having sex with Niall. It lays on the kitchen counter. I take it and quickly decide to call Josh. It's only 7:45am. He picks up quickly.

"Hey", he answers.

"I need to talk to you like right now", I panic slightly.

I step out onto the jetty, clutching my phone tightly. Josh's breathing is heard from the other line.

"Okay, talk", he says quite worried.

"Niall and I... uhm... kinda did something. Sex", I mumble.

Silence is heard. Not even his breathing can be heard. I lay my hand on my face. He's going to scream at me. I can feel it.

"Really?", he asks quite surprised.

"Yeah", I mumble.

A quiet squeal comes from his side. I get a little angry. All I want to do is cry my eyes out to him and tell him how much I regret it but he just squeals like a ten year old.

"Josh, listen to me. I drank a little too much, he did too and we both were kinda horny, so it just happened. This morning I saw him and immideatly started regretting my decision. It was a stupid idea to sleep with Niall", I tell him.

"Why do you regret it? You had sex with the guy you like for four years. I would be so happy. Just wait until he starts talking to you. He'll probably just blabber about how good it was and stuff, trust me", he's probably smirking at this right now.

I thank him, hanging up and going back into the house. Just let Niall talk first. Do not start and tell him how much you regret it afterwards. It's not cool. I decide to make some breakfast but we don't have anything. Maybe I could drive to the nearest city and get some breakfast. I search for Niall's keys, finding them on the counter. I text Niall quickly.

A: Getting breakfast.

I get into his car, combing my hair with my fingers and pulling it up into a bun. It's too messy for a ponytail. I turn on the motor. This car is huge. The nearest city is ten minutes away. I look for some diner in the streets. It takes a while but I find one. The guy at the counter throws me a smirk, as I order. I hate being gazed at. He writes down my order, giving it to the kitchen.

"So, what is a young and pretty girl like you doing here?", he asks.

"Getting breakfast for me and my friend", I say quickly.

"Oh, okay. Where are you guys from? Didn't see you around here yet."

I just ignore him. My food is done soon, so I take the bags.

"See you beautiful", the guy calls after me.

I roll my eyes. That guy is annoying. Hope I don't see him again. I open the passenger side door, putting the food on the ground (don't need the leather to get stains). Just as I want to get in the drivers seat, someone pulls me out of the car by my hair. Long fingernails dig deep into my scalp. A small scream escapes my lips. Christina's laugh fills my ears. What does she want? Her other hand grabs my neck. She's so strong.

"It's all your fault! Niall left me because of you. You were too stupid to keep your mouth shut, bitch!", she tells me, pressing my back against the car.

The door handle bores into my back. I try to push her off of me but she's too strong. She lifts her hand from my hair, slapping me across my face. I feel tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry!", I exclaim.

"Keep it, slut", she growls, her fist colliding with my face.

That's going to be a bruise. She lets go of me. I push her away, getting into the car. She laughs loudly, going away. Why does my life hate me? First I sleep with Niall, then I get beat up by Christina. I just need to get back to the house. Before I drive back, I look at my phone.

N: Okay, birdy ;)

I put my phone away and drive back. The drive is smooth. Niall's Range Rover is amazing but so damn expensive. I arrive at the house soon. I get the breakfast from the passenger side. The front door opens, revealing Niall without a t-shirt on. I take a deep breath. My eyes train on the ground, as I walk towards the door. I just can't look at him. The only thing I see when I look at him is his naked body on mine. I just don't want him to think I'm a small fuck. I want him to love me.

"Hey, birdy", he says, as I enter the house behind him.

He steps in front of me, pulling me towards him. My breath hitches. This is so uncomfortable. Niall takes my face into his hand, making my look up at him. He leans in for a kiss but I turn my head. I don't want this.

"What's wrong?", he asks.

"Nothing. I just didn't brush my teeth", I lie quietly, freeing myself from his grip.

I get two knifes and two forks from the cupboard. Niall already sits down at the table. I place his pancakes in front of him and mine in front of me. I sit opposite to him. We just eat in silence. Niall finishes before me. He watches me.

"Are you really okay? You look like you regret something", he tells me, worry in his voice.

I finish my food, looking up at him. My eyes stay on a point behind him. I don't want him to think that I regret it but I do. That's the problem. Niall leans over the table, placing his hand on my cheek.

"What's wrong, Alex? I'm worried", he says.

I shake my head and stand up, taking our plates. My feet carry me to the sink. My life was going upwards but it's slowly falling again. It's just such a mess at the moment. I clean off the plates and sliverware. Arms are wrapped around my waist. He's really bugging me to tell him the truth.

"Or do you just want a round two", he murmurs into my ear.

That sounds really good but I can't. It's just wrong.

"I'm sorry but I can't, Niall. This all was a mistake", I say quietly.

Tears leak down my face. Niall turns me around, trapping me between his body and the counter. His face is close to mine. The blue in his eyes is a little watery. He's about to cry, too.

"Why was this a mistake?", he asks quite sad.

"We're friends. I don't want this to end. You're one of my best friends. I need you in my life. Everything is so awkward now. Niall, I don't want to lose you", I explain quietly.

"I would never leave you because we had sex. It actually was the best I had in a while. Just don't let your feelings get too close to you, okay? We're still friends and friends do crazy things sometimes. Don't start loving me, it means falling and you're afraid of heights", he says.

I nod. Don't start loving me, it means falling and you're afraid of heights. I know that from somewhere. He hugs me to his body. My arms wrap around his naked torso. I want to be in a relationship with him but he just wants to be friends. Sometimes you just have to give up some things to be happy. And I probably just have to let go of my feelings towards Niall.