hoodie || nh au

Thirty-five

"Alexandra, baby! I'm here. Your parents let me in while they left!", Liam shouts, as he walks up the stairs.

I hide my phone and laptop under my blanket quickly. He doesn't have to see that I'm messaging an old friend from Middle School. The door opens and reveals my boyfriend. My sleeves cover the bruises from two days ago. He went crazy because I texted Josh that he's hit me again. I hug Liam quickly before being pushed onto my bed by him. He kisses me harshly. Actually I don't want this to happen. If I don't sleep with him, he'll hit me again. He lets me fall onto my bed, my back hitting the edge of my laptop. I hiss in pain. Liam detaches his lips from mine. He looks at me curiously.

"What was that?", he asks loudly.

He pulls me up from my bed and rips the blanket aside. I close my eyes ready for the beating.

"You messaged that guy again?!", he shouts.

I nod and just then I feel Liam's fist collide with my stomach. It flies straight into my guts over and over. I fall to the ground, just as Liam's foot collides with my stomach, I-

"Alex!", someone shouts into my ear.

I open my eyes and feel wet stains on my cheeks. Niall's worried expression meets my eyes. I feel Niall's hand on my shoulder. My hands are wraped around my own body, as if I'm protecting my stomach from Liam's hits and kicks. Niall's expression softens, as I relax a bit and sniffle slightly.

"I'm sorry for waking you up", I tell him honestly.

I know how much I move, cry and scream in my dreams about Liam. Niall lays his arms around my waist securely. I nuzzle my face into his shirt.

He has a girlfriend, Alex. Don't even try to make a move.

I push Niall off of me again and turn my back towards him, his arms still around my waist. He pulls me closer. Could he just not cuddle with me? He has a girlfriend.

"It's okay. Just don't think about it too much, birdy", he speaks quietly.

I try to keep my eyes closed and fall asleep but I don't. My mind goes back to the dream. That situation with Liam actually happened. I never really dreamed about real things. Usually I dream about new situations and different people. Niall actually took Liam's part in my dreams often. Why can't I just have a normal life like Miranda?

"Niall?", I ask silently.

He grumbles slightly to let me know that he's awake. I peel his arm off of me. I turn around to Niall. He has his eyes opened.

"Why is my life actually so bad?", I question.

He frowns and sits up. I sit up, too, leaving my back against the wall next to my bed.

"Your life isn't bad. A lot of shit is just happening to you. I'd say your life is just starting! You still have your whole life before you. I will help you. That's why I bumped into you that night", he tells me.

I nod. Niall looks really cute with his hair all messed up. He smiles at me.

"I just want to be happy for once. Everyone around me is happy. Of course I'm happy in general but there is this one happiness I don't have", I explain.

He looks at me curiously. His eyes look back at me with a expression I can't read. I shrug a little and take a look at the clock on my wall.

3:55am

I look back at Niall.

"What kind of happiness?", he smiles.

I gulp down the knot forming in my throat. Niall's look is quite forcing me to answer.

"The happiness of being loved and loving someone back. I know it's stupid", I say.

Niall nods and smiles softly. His hand lays on my knee. I look down at my fingers.

"It's not stupid. I know that feeling is pretty tricky and just comes over you one second and is gone the next. One day you'll find a man and you'll be happy together. Even if you're just an employee at my dad's company, I'll still be your best friend. We're going to stick together, even if I marry some girl and get kids with her. You'll still be my number one", he explains.

"Thank you", I tell him.

I don't believe him. He will forget me. I know that.

*****

"Alex! Come down! It's time to go", Luke shouts.

We're having a movie night at Niall's place. Christina will be there, too. Sam, Josh and Miranda are going to be there. I just hope we don't watch any horror movies like last time we watched movies at the lake. My hands grab my bag. I put in my phone and put the bag over my shoulder. It's stuffed with some clothes and a blanket. We're staying at Niall's tonight. I woke up to an empty bed this morning. Niall just left me but put a note on my phone.

I'm sorry for leaving. Christina was stressing around. Sorry. - Love, Niall

I just started crying again. My thoughts ran me over. He just left me without waking my up. Niall didn't even text me anymore. Luke told me about the movie night. I wouldn't have known without him. Luke asked Niall, if I could come and he just answered with a short 'I don't care'. It's pretty sad but I'm not mad at him in any way. Sometimes you just don't care about people. I have those days sometimes, too. Many times I just told Josh that I didn't care, if he came over.

"What do you want to hear?", Luke asks, as we get into the car.

"I would like to listen to some The 1975. Maybe just turn up the mix album I made for you", I answer and rub my eyes intendly.

No make up benefits. Luke turns on the CD I made for him. He starts singing to Robbers. I sing with him. We love to sing in the car. This song made me cry when I first listened to it. It makes me so sad but happy. Two songs later we arrive at Niall's place. I get out, humming the tune of Robbers. The song is always stuck in my head when I listen to it. Luke rings the doorbell, tipping his foot on the floor to a beat. The door opens soon and reveals Niall and Christina to us. Her eyes judge me right away. A mocking look is plastered on her face. My eyes wander to my feet. I hate being so full of anxiety and self-hate. Their judging looks don't make it better.

"What is she doing here?", Christina asks.

"I invited her and Luke to stay with us", Niall explains.

She huffs quietly but nods.

"Just come in and walk all the way to the movie room. You know where it is, Luke", he tells us.

I follow Luke to the room Niall instructed us to go. Josh sits on a couch next to Sam and Miranda. There is one more place to sit on and I know who's going to get that spot. Luke. He sits down on the spot next to Josh. Josh kisses Luke quickly. I roll my eyes and stand awkwardly at the door.

"Hey, Alex", Miranda smiles at me.

I nod and smile back. Sam smiles, too. Josh gets up and hugs me quickly before sitting back down. The other couch is made for two people. And those two come inside just now. They sit down on the couch, so I stand as the only one in the room.

"Sorry, we don't have a place to sit for you. Maybe the floor is okay for you", Christina smirks.

I nod and sit down next to the couch where my brother is sitting on. If Christina wasn't there, there would be a spot for me to sit on. I wouldn't have to sit on the floor, by myself.

"We decided to watch Zombieland and Friends with Benefits. Are you okay with these movies?", Niall asks us.

Everyone agrees, so he starts the first movie. I get my blanket from my bag and wrap my body in it. The others all lay under a blanket with their partners. This is third wheeling, my friends. This is it. I won't be able to get through the night. Where am I going to sleep? Niall and Christina will take his bed, Josh and Luke will probably sleep on the two couches down here and Miranda and Sam will take the guest room. The living room is no option because the sofa is very expensive leather and I don't want to ruin it. I'll just sleep on the floor. It's the easiest.